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Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Reasons We Argue, and What To Do About It

In review of Philippians 2:4-5 today, it tells me, Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had” (NLT).

Paul encourages me to guard against any selfishness, prejudice, or jealousy that might lead to dissension. My showing a genuine interest in others is a positive step forward in maintaining unity. Jesus Christ was humble, willing to give up his rights in order to obey God and serve others. Like Christ, I should have a servant's attitude, serving out of love for God and for others, not out of guilt or fear. I can choose my attitude. I can approach life expecting to be served or looking for opportunity to serve

When I meet someone to resolve a conflict, I need to first confess my part of the problem. Then, I need to listen to the other person’s hurt and perspective.

It’s natural to think that we argue over ideas. But we actually argue over emotion. Anytime there’s a conflict, someone’s feelings were hurt. Somebody felt abused, or slighted. It’s not the idea that causes the conflict. It’s the emotion behind the idea.

Hurt people hurt others. The more people are hurting, the more they lash out at everybody else. People who aren’t hurting don’t hurt others. People who are filled with love are loving toward others. People who are filled with joy are joyful to others. People who are filled with peace are at peace with everybody else. But people who are hurting inside are going to hurt others. They’re going to lash out.

If I want to connect with others, I must start with their needs, hurts, and their interests. If I want to be a good leader, I need to start with people’s needs, hurts, and interests.

Philippians 2:4-5 says, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had” (NLT).

I need to consider how often I’m trying to get the people I’m in conflict with to see my position, that I’m not listening to theirs? I’m too busy speaking and not listening, so I move further and further away.

I need to intentionally switch my focus from my needs to their needs. Conflict resolution starts with the way I at the situation. The word “look” in Philippians 2:4 is the Greek word scopus. It’s where we get our words “microscope” and “telescope.”

Scopos means to focus. The next verse says my attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ. I am most like Jesus when I”m focusing on the hurts of somebody else rather than my own.

This is Habit 5 from the 7 habits of highly effective people: “Seek First To Understand, Then Be Understood.” When I’m focused on the other person’s needs and not my own, I’ll be able to get a better understanding of the situation and move forward with resolving the conflict.

In summary, I'm to not only focus on my interests, but to take an interest in others. Have the same attitude that Christ had. My genuine in others is a positive step forward in maintaining unity. I should have a servant's attitude, serving out of love for God and for others. I can choose to approach life expecting to be served or looking opportunities to serve. To resolve conflict I need to first confess my part, then listen to the other person's hurt and perspective. I need to practice habit 5, "seek first to understand, then be understood."

So as I approach my day filled with many items to focus on, I need to be considerate and have the attitude of humility that seeks to serve others, and to understand their needs. I pray this morning Father that you help me balance service and understanding others while making progress toward finishing the tasks I have at hand. I also ask for your wisdom and guidance for handling my tasks, my interactions with others, and my leadership. I pray these things through your Son Jesus name, amen.

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