Monday, August 8, 2011

Arrows in the hand of a warrior - a man and his children - part 3


This post is about Chapter 11 "Arrows in the hand of a Warrior" from "Tender Warrior" by Stu Weber.

Our kids were designed by God to make an impact on this word.  To live for a reason.
Father’s are accountable/responsible to help them understand they are to count for something in God’s great scheme of things.

We are to let them go, give them guidance and a smooth release.
#1 issue as reported by kids was the inability or unwillingness of parents to release their grown children.

Skillful parenting does not come naturally. Help them in their personal responsibility to the Lord to increase and personal responsibility to Dad/Mom decrease. At times we must let them struggle.

Letting go is a process - we must practice - to get good at it, it starts at birth and then follow through each of the “first others”.  Start practicing now.

  • Adulthood - growing up
  • God’s view of what it is to be a man or a woman
  • Men - Tender Warriors - Pro-visionaries, men who stay and stay and stay
  • Women - Strong in companionship ability, nurturing skills, development of other Human beings - a helpmate suitable
  • Preparation for marriage - God make us to live out specific roles

“As arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are children of one’s youth.  How blessed is the man whose quiver if full of them”

Our children are the only messages we’ll send to a world we’ll never see.  They are the only provision we have for impacting a world at a distance.

In summary, As fathers we are accountable/responsibility to help our kids (others) understand they are designed by God to make an impact on this world, live for a reason.  As we do this we need to be thinking in terms of letting them go.  This in itself is a process that we must practice (starting at birth and through each of the “firsts” in their lives.)  The target is to; get them to adulthood, help them see God’s view of what it is to be a man or a woman, prepare them for marriage (how we should live out our specific roles in the marriage.)  Our children (others) are the only messages we’ll send out to the world, make an impact moving forward.

Based on this, here’s a question to leave you with:

In Chapter 11, Stu quoted a statistic regarding the number one issue for a group of adult children about their top five concerns as it related to their parents.  This top issue kids was the inability or unwillingness of parents to release their grown children.  What do you think about the notion regarding "letting them go" and a "smooth release?"

Spanning the generations - a man and his children, part 2


This post is about Chapter 10 "Spanning the Generations" from "Tender Warrior" by Stu Weber.

Fatherhood belongs to the man - it is our responsibility to develop kids (others)

Eph 6:4, Fathers bring your children (others) up in the discipline and instruction of the lord.
Responsibility is with fathers.
We are cautioned to be careful how we do it - do not provoke/exasperate (Eph. 6:5)

you will affect the flow one way or the other - spanning the generations beyond
i.e. founding fathers of the nation
Knew they couldn’t do it where they were, they left, became pilgrims to father a new way of life, to lay a new foundation, take responsibility for future generations

Ex.34:7 sins of fathers extend to the 3rd or 4th generation

i.e. find Jesus, put your confidence in God, keep his commands (Psalm 78:7)

What you do leaves an impact - one way or the other

The world desperately needs you and me to change things.  Right now we are affecting generations to come - one man’s life can actually mark his children

Good / bad / ugly - we are affecting leadership of mid 20th century

Your past need not spell out your future - start a new trend, change the world
be a man - stand firm in faith, act in love
envision the future

A few practical pointers for positive father power:
1. Pursue the Ultimate Father - give your life to the Ultimate Father and the people He has sovereignly placed around you
2. Model and teach respect for authority - teach to respect others
3. Help your family see the big picture - how God see the world, eternal perspective
4. Commit solidly to family unit - we’re not perfect, but we will always do it together
5. Be positive in building family members confidence - of others

Fatherhood is man’s responsibility.  We are commanded to and warned to be cautious.  What we do will span the generations (i.e. founding fathers.)  Our sins can impact the the 3rd / 4th generation.  Move forward - put your confidence in God, keep his commands.  Our past should not keep us from making the future different - be a man, stand firm in faith, act in love, envision the future.  (Pursue the Father, model and teach respect for authority, help others see the big picture, commit solidly to family, be positive/build family members.)

In Summary, Fatherhood is a man’s responsibility.  It is a commandment to us.  We are warned to be cautious in how we do it.  What we do will span generations (i.e. what our founding fathers did.)  Even our sins can impact generations to come.  We are to not let out past keep us from shaping our future.  We are to be a man, stand firm in faith, act in love and envision the future.
  • Pursue the father
  • Model and teach respect for authority / others
  • Help others see the big picture
  • Live in solidity to the family
  • Be positive/build others up.
Based on this, here’s a question to leave you with:

In chapter 10, why are we cautioned in how we father (Eph. 6:4 - "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord?")  Why is this important?

The incredible power of fathering - a man and his children - part 1


This post is about Chapter 9 "The Incredible Power of Fathering" from "Tender Warrior" by Stu Weber.

Being a father yields tremendous power for our kids/those around us.
A special power is mold another’s life, shape it, give it form.

Model our life after Christ/God’s character,He is the ultimate:
  • King and Pro-visionary
  • Mentor and Transformer - Master teacher
  • Friend - caregiver, over - He gave us everything He had - including His own Son to care for us.

He is the Father “from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name (Eph 3:15)

We are to become a man after God’s heart
Be reconciled with children - God’s saving power released
Be at odds with children - powers of destruction are beckoning

Like gravity, fathering affects all
Presence or absence of masculine leadership
The “vanishing father” is central to the changing American family structure

Be there to provide a loving touch, care and comforting
A Father’s influence on daughters lasts a lifetime

Why aren’t men taking hold, showing how to hold on, guiding them, helping them grow

You don’t need to have children to father.  At it’s heart it has everything to do with originating, influencing and shaping.
Every man is a father (King, Warrior, Teacher, Friend)
An originator/source, caring, founder/foundations, author
puts together scope / sequence of life, authors / create curriculum for development

Responsibility - Accepts it, takes hold

Help your kids (others) hold on through; disappointments, sorrows, temptations, hurts, and crazy circumstances.
Hold on tightly to God’s hand
Let him be your confidence/wisdom/stability that you find on your own.

In summary, We as men are responsible. Consciously or unconsciously, how we father affects our kids (others.)  We are to provide; a loving touch, care, comforting.  We are to; take hold, show how to hold on, guide them, help them grow.  It has everything to do with originating, influencing and shaping. As God as our example of the Ultimate Father and as we hold onto him as our source.

Based on this, here’s a question to leave you with:

In Chapter 9, Stu states "You don’t need to have children to father, at it’s heart fathering has everything to do with originating, influencing and shaping."  What have you done, are doing, or will doing to make the greatest influence or to shape those in your family or around you?

Monday, April 4, 2011

Learning to Speak Woman

This post is about Chapter 8 "Learning to Speak Woman" from "Tender Warrior" by Stu Weber.

100% of the responsibility for the sustenance of marriage belongs to the man.  Men need to model themselves after the life of Christ.

Woman speak a unique dialect, it’s our responsibility to learn it and speak it back to them with passion. Men must take initiative, and then stick with it, remain under, stay.

Scripture tells us to: 1 Peter 3:7, “You Husbands.. live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker...”

“Live with your wife in an understanding way...”

We are to engage our minds, gain a full mental grasp on the nature / significance
  • Think it through
  • Work hard at it
  • Don’t give up
  • Become a student of your wife
“As with a weaker vessel...”
This doesn't mean she is inferior or we are superior, it refers to weaker, but not lesser
She is:
  • more delicate (fine china, more fragile)
  • more sensitive (has a more precisely adjusted sensory ability, especially in terms of relationships)
  • more alert to what’s happening in her environment
By design - requires provision, protection and care
We need to understand her as more delicate, fragile, alert, and sensitive being

We communicate in different ways...
What are a woman’s needs:
  • Her need for affection, that is tenderness
  • Conversation, the sharing of the heart
  • Honesty and openness, no secrets between us
  • Security or physical and financial provision
  • Relational commitment, she must know she is top priority
Scripture refines these down to three things; Honor, Nourish and Cherish, These must become action plans. We need to show, demonstrate, verbalize and express. Learn to know here needs and to speak her language:
  • She needs to know she is top priority
  • She needs to hear it from you and see it in your
Based on this, here’s some questions to leave you with:

Stu starts off this chapter 8 saying that as a man we are “100% responsible for the sustenance of the marriage.”  Do you agree or disagree with this statement?   Why?

Stu then provides a verse in scripture which tells us men to “live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker...”    What does culture/media teach about this?  How do you feel about this?   What could be some practical ways in which we can practice what scripture tells us?

A Man and His Lady - Part 1

This post is about Chapter 7 "A Man and His Lady - Part 1" from "Tender Warrior" by Stu Weber.

We’re just different!
Men
Women
CompartmentalizedConnected
FocusedComprehensive - especially when it comes to relationships
One thing at a timeEvery comes and goes together
What happened earlier in the day has no connection to something later in the dayWhat happens earlier in the day has everything to do with what happens later in the day
Task orientedFocus on Relationships
[Part of Being a Provider / Protection]
[Part of Being a Helpmate]

Gen. 2:18
God said, "It's not good for the Man to be alone; I'll make him a helper, a companion....”
Helper does not mean inferior  (it’s says more about the one needing help)
Man is incomplete, he needs help
Culture is trying to tell us there is no fundamental differences, they don’t accept it.
“Equality”?
God -> Men and Women are absolutely equal, however equality does not mean sameness.
Man/Women each think differently, view life differently.

Crux of existence for a woman:
  • Sense of relationship
  • Interconnectedness of people
  • Relationship colors every aspect of a woman’s life

Women
Men
Use conversation to expand and understand relationshipsUse talk to covey solutions
See People as mutually dependentSee People as self-reliant
CaringValue Freedom
Acton's within a context, linking one moment to the nextRegard events as isolated

It may be chitchat to a man, but to a woman, it’s lifeblood

How we see life differently:

Women
Men
See’s everything as connected, therefore describes it that way(A Man’s view of this is “takes forever to get to the point,” “Land the Plane Already”)
Sharing what is on their minds, that what makes it relevant.  We are together, there is no “Big Point”, no decision is requiredJust strives to get to the bottom line, cut away non-essential information
Sharing our hearts, that’s enough!

Women will fight isolation

Men
Woman
Tend to be tough and strongTender and Gentle
Logic and linear thinkingEmotion and Verbal communication
Risk taker, ready to “Go for it”Security and Order
Relational InsensitivitySensitivity
Look towards the long haulConcerned about here and now
Skeptical and SuspiciousMore believing and trusting
Buffalo
Butterfly
Rough and CallousedKeen sensitivity to the slightest breeze
Doesn’t react to a breezeNotices beauty of even the tiniest flower
Not aware of the smallest of flowersConstantly aware of all the changes going on and around it
Not sensitive to slight changesAble to react to the slightest variation in the environment
Strength, when harnessed can pull a plow that four men couldn’t pullReacts swiftly toward anything that might hurt it
Tend to plow through circumstancesMan “feel” life and her surroundings with much more sensitivity

Based on this, here’s some questions to leave you with:

In chapter 7, Stu spent time talking about how culture doesn’t want to accept (other than physical differences) that Men / Woman are different.  Do you agree/disagree, why?

In Gen. 2:18, “God said, ‘It's not good for the Man to be alone; I'll make him a helper, a companion....’”   Do you think your need a helper?  Why/Why not?

Using My Words to Build Others Up

In review of Ephesians 4:29 it warns me to “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building ...