In Romans 12:19 I read, “Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. ‘I'll do the judging,’ says God. ‘I'll take care of it.'" (The Message)
What’s keeping me from forgiving someone who’s hurt me? If I’ve been hurt deeply, I may hesitate to forgive because I’m not ready to trust that person again. I need to understand that forgiveness and trust do not necessarily go hand in hand.
Forgiveness does not mean there needs to be an instant restoration of trust. Forgiveness is instant; trust must be rebuilt over time. Forgiveness is based on grace; trust is built on works. I earn trust; I don’t earn forgiveness.
Many people don’t want to forgive others because they think they’d have to trust them again. But that’s not true. Trust and forgiveness are two different issues! Let me say it again: Forgiving someone does not mean I have to trust that person. They still must earn my trust.
In relationships where people struggle with addictions or abuse, forgiveness is still possible. But it doesn’t always mean things can go back to the way they were.
Forgiveness and the restoration of a relationship are two different things.
Forgiveness is only my part. It doesn’t depend on whether the other person asks for my forgiveness, responds to my forgiveness, or recognizes they need my forgiveness. I forgive for my sake.
Restoration of a relationship takes far more than forgiveness. It takes repentance. It takes restitution and a rebuilding of trust. And it takes time.
Begin the process of forgiveness today. Then take the time needed to rebuild trust.
In summary, don't insist on getting even; that's not for me to do. God will do the judging, and take care of it. What’s keeping me from forgiving someone who’s hurt me? I may hesitate to forgive because I’m not ready to trust that person again. Forgiveness and trust do not necessarily go hand in hand. Forgiveness does not mean there needs to be an instant restoration of trust. Forgiveness is instant; trust must be rebuilt over time. Forgiveness is based on grace; trust is built on works. Trust is earned; Forgiveness is given. Many don’t want to forgive because they think they’d have to trust them again. Trust and forgiveness are two different issues! Forgiving does not mean I have to trust that person. They still must earn my trust. Forgiveness is only my part. It doesn’t depend on whether the other person asks. I forgive for my sake. Restoration of a relationship takes far more than forgiveness. It takes repentance. It takes restitution and a rebuilding of trust. And it takes time. So begin the process of forgiveness. Then take the time needed to rebuild trust.
In this day of lawsuits and incessant demands for legal rights, Paul's command sounds almost impossible. When someone hurts me deeply, instead of giving them what they deserve, Paul says to befriend them. Why? 1). Forgiveness may break a cycle of retaliation and lead to mutual reconciliation. 2). It may make the enemy feel ashamed and their ways. 3). By contrast, repaying evil for evil hurts you just as much as it hurts my enemy. Even if my enemy never repents, forgiving them will free me of a heavy load of bitterness. Forgiveness involves both attitudes and actions. If I find it difficult to feel forgiving, try responding with kind actions. If appropriate, tell this person that you would like to heal your relationship. Lend a helping hand. Send them a gift. Smile at them. Many times I'll discover that right actions lead to right feelings.
Father, thank you for Your Word and Jesus as my savior and example. You want me and I need you in my life. Please give me Your strength for today and remind me in little ways that I can always believe in, have faith in and can trust you in everything. This includes being the authority for my life, the source of my self-worth and my hope for the future. You have my best interests in mind. So I ask you to help me to embrace the way you’ve made me; my gifting and passions. Help me to serve and fulfill the mission you have in mind for me.
Today, I ask you for wisdom and guidance for my day, my work, my leadership, my interactions with others, doing well and making a difference in others lives. I pray all these things through your Son Jesus’ name, Amen.