How to Respond to a Difficult Person

In Proverbs 16:21 it says, “A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is.” (GNT)

Have you noticed how many difficult people there are in the world? Some days, do you feel like you have to deal with most of them?

We all have our own mental lists of rude things other people do that bug us. Here are examples: People who call me and then say, “Who is this?” People who honk their horns in traffic jams. People who cheat in the 10-items-or-less grocery line. People who steal your parking spot.

The list goes on, and we can all relate. So how should we respond in love to difficult people?

Today’s verse, Proverbs 16:21 reminds me, “A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is” (GNT).

The more pleasant I am, the more persuasive I can be. And I’ll never be persuasive when I’m being abrasive. Nagging doesn’t work.

Also, the way I say something determines the way it’s received. If I say something offensively, it’s going to be received defensively. That’s why love considers my words. Love is truthful, but it is also tactful.

The Bible says it like this: “Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others. Don’t yell at one another or curse each other or ever be rude. Instead, be kind and merciful, and forgive others, just as God forgave you because of Christ” (Ephesians 4:31-32 CEV).

Tact and tone always go together. The way I say something, not just what I say, matters.  I can say something very difficult for someone to hear, but if I say it in the right tone—a loving tone—it will be received much better.

A loving response to a difficult person requires me to be pleasant and tactful.

Think of it like this: If I want to be below a difficult person, attack him. If I want to be even with him, get even with him. But if I want to respond the way Jesus would, show that person love with the words I say and the way I say them. 

Trust God’s Wisdom, Not My Feelings

In Proverbs 3:5-7 I read, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.” (NLT)

Have you ever had the feeling that something was so very, very right, but then when you did it, it ended up being so very, very wrong?

If we are not careful our feelings aren’t always the truth! How can it be wrong when it feels so right? There are a lot of things that are wrong that feel so right at the moment. A quick decision that seemed harmless at the time leaves you broken and scarred years later.

If I want to experience fewer dead ends and failures in life, I need to hear what Proverbs 3:5-7 tells me: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil” (NLT).

If I really want God’s blessing for my life, I have to depend on God’s wisdom and not on what my feelings say or what my gut says. In other words, trust in the Lord and not on my own understanding.

So how do I get God’s wisdom? What I’m finding is that I should pray. Talk to God, and let him talk to me as I read the His Word. That’s how to get his wisdom.

The Bible says in James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” (NIV).

God doesn’t want me to make foolish mistakes. He wants me to succeed. He wants me to make wise decisions with my time, money, and relationships.

The truth is, I’m not waiting on God for his help; he’s waiting on me! It’s like he’s saying, “Hey! I’m here. I’ll give you wisdom, and I’ll give it generously. I want to make you wise. You’ve just got to ask.”

So for me to be blessed, I’ve got to get God’s wisdom. And if I want God’s wisdom, I need to ask for it—and then be open to receive it.

When important decisions come my way, it's hard to trust anyone and sometimes even God. But God knows what is best for me. He is a much better judge of what I want than even myself. I must learn to trust him completely in every choice I make. I should not omit careful thinking or belittle my God-given ability to reason; but I should not just trust in my own ideas to the exclusion of all others. I must not be wise in my own eyes. I should always be willing to listen to and be corrected by God's Word and wise counselors. I need to learn to bring my decisions to God in prayer; use the Bible as my guide; and then follow God's lead. He will direct my paths by both guiding and protecting me. 

To receive God's guidance, I must seek God's will in all I do. This means turning every area of life over to him. I need to examine my values and priorities. What is important to me? Where does God fall in this list? In what areas have I failed to acknowledge him? It's the areas where I attempt to restrict or ignore his influence that will cause me grief. I need to make him a vital part of everything I do; then he will guide me because I'll be working to accomplish his purposes.

In summary, I need to learn to trust in the Lord with all my heart. Never rely on what I think I know. Remember to include the Lord in everything I do, then he will show me the right way to go. I should never think more highly of myself than I should. Simply obey the Lord and refuse to do wrong. After all, God knows what is best for me. I must learn to trust him completely in everything. I need to be willing to listen to and be corrected by God's Word and wise counselors. Bring decisions to God in prayer, use His Word as a guide and follow His leading. To receive His guidance all I need to do is to turn every area of my life over to him and seek his will in what I do. 

Learning How to Be Gentle by Walking With Jesus

In Matthew 11:28-29 I read, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (NIV)

Gentleness is important for so many reasons. It defuses conflict. It disarms critics. It’s persuasive. It’s attractive. It communicates love.

Most importantly, gentleness makes me more like Jesus. In Matthew 11:28-29, Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (NIV).

So when I’m feeling weary and burdened, and want to find rest and peace, it will come from being like Jesus; being gentle.

I won’t be able to just walk out the door and force myself to be gentle. Gentleness needs to be an “inside job.” It should be the fruit of God’s Spirit within me. Jesus is gentle, and when I walk alongside him, I’ll learn to be gentle too. 

Daily I need to pray: “Lord, help me to treat people the way Jesus would.” Why? Because I am not by nature a gentle person. So I have to let God produce gentleness in my life.

Three simple ways to practice gentleness with God’s help this week:

1. When somebody serves me, be understanding, not demanding. Then next time you’re in a long line, be considerate—be understanding—of the person who eventually helps me.

2. When somebody disagrees with me, be tender without surrender.

I’ll never get my point across by being cross. I don’t have to back down from God’s truth, but I can treat people with gentleness and respect. 

3. When someone disappoints me, be gentle, not judgmental.

Ephesians 4:32 says it like this: “Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you” (MSG).  

As I walk alongside Jesus and put these things into practice every day, I believe that I will find myself becoming gentler and more like Jesus.

In summary, If I'm struggling and carrying a heavy load, Jesus tells me to come to him, for he will give me rest. I can put on his yoke and learn from him. For Jesus is gentle and humble and in him I will find rest. Gentleness is an important quality to practice. It will defuse conflict, and disarm critics. It's persuasive and attractive. It communicates love. More importantly, gentleness will make me more like Jesus. Jesus is gentle and humble. When I let him share my burdens, I will walk with him in a close relationship. He will give me rest and peace, not stress and pressure. 

To Pray Effectively, I Need to Get to Know God

In Romans 1:20 I read, “For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." (NIV)

The fruitfulness of my prayers doesn’t depend on how much I know about prayer but on how much I know about God. The more I understand God, the more effective my prayers are going to be.

More important than learning all about prayer is understanding more about God. It starts with knowing that God is multidimensional. That means that God is in the past, present, and future. He’s on Earth and in the spirit world.

Here are a few ways I can see God’s multidimensional character.

I see it in God’s creation. The God who created a multidimensional world and universe is a multidimensional Creator. “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse” (Romans 1:20 NIV). I can learn a lot about God just by looking at nature. For instance, I know that God likes variety, and he is organized, creative, and powerful. Creation is complex, so I know God has to be even more complex.

I see it in Jesus’ incarnation. John 1:14 says, “The Word became a human being and, full of grace and truth, lived among us” (GNT). If God had wanted to communicate with ants, he would’ve become an ant. If he had wanted to communicate with cows, he would’ve become a cow. But God wanted to communicate with and love human beings, so he became one of us. Jesus is bound by neither space nor time, because he is multidimensional: “Grace and peace to you from him who is, and who was, and who is to come” (Revelation 1:4 NIV).

I see it in how the Holy Spirit moves. “The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit” (John 3:8 NIV). I can’t put the Holy Spirit in a box! I can’t control him. He’s like the wind. I don’t know where it comes from, and I don’t know where it’s going. He moves in dimensions we don’t move in.

Don’t let this be the end of my study about God’s multidimensional character. Knowing God is a lifelong pursuit, one that will make my life sweeter and more meaningful each day.

In summary, since the creation, God’s invisible qualities; his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen. No one is without excuse from what they’ve seen. The fruitfulness of my prayers doesn’t depend on how much I know about prayer but on how much I know about God. The more I understand God, the more effective my prayers are going to be. More important than learning all about prayer is understanding more about God. Know that God is multidimensional. God is in the past, present, and future. He’s on Earth and in the spirit world. I can see God’s multidimensional character in His creation. God who created a multidimensional world and universe is a multidimensional Creator. I can learn a lot about God just by looking at nature. God likes variety, and he is organized, creative, and powerful. Creation is complex, so I know God has to be even more complex. In Jesus’ incarnation. God wanted to communicate with and love human beings, so he became one of us. Jesus is bound by neither space nor time, because he is multidimensional. I see it in how the Holy Spirit moves. I can’t put the Holy Spirit in a box! I can’t control him. He’s like the wind. I don’t know where it comes from, and I don’t know where he’s going. He moves in dimensions I don’t move in. Knowing God is a lifelong pursuit, one that will make my life sweeter and more meaningful each day.

Nature shows us a God of might, intelligence, and intricate detail; a God of order and beauty; a God who controls powerful forces. That is His general revelation. Through special revelation (God's Word and the coming of Jesus), I learn about God's love and forgiveness, and the promise of eternal life. God has graciously given me many sources that I might fully believe in him. God reveals his divine nature and personal qualities through creation, even though creation's testimony has been distorted by the Fall. Adam's sin resulted in a divine curse upon the whole natural order; thorns and thistles were an immediate result, and natural disasters have been common from Adam's day to ours. 

Father, thank you for Your Word and Jesus as my savior and example. You want me and I need you in my life. Please give me Your strength for today and remind me in little ways that I can always believe in, have faith in and can trust you in everything. This includes being the authority for my life, the source of my self-worth and my hope for the future. You have my best interests in mind. So I ask you to help me to embrace the way you’ve made me; my gifting and passions. Help me to serve and fulfill the mission you have in mind for me. 

Today, I ask you for wisdom and guidance for my day, my work, my leadership, my interactions with others, doing well and making a difference in others lives (including my job.) I pray all these things through your Son Jesus’ name, Amen.