Be Pleasant Before You’re Persuasive

“Gentle speech breaks down rigid defenses.” Proverbs 25:15 (MSG)

Gentleness is persuasive.

If you have a successful career in sales, you may know that truth already! There was a time when the hard sell—the loudest advertisement or the strongest sales pitch—might have closed a deal. But today, gentleness works. Most people today buy something because someone they trust recommended it. A trusted friend or salesperson’s gentle recommendation is far more persuasive than a loud sales pitch.

And that’s not just true in sales; it’s true in just about every area of life.

The Bible says this over and over again. The Message paraphrase of Proverbs 25:15 says, “Gentle speech breaks down rigid defenses.” If I'm trying to convince a family member or coworker to do something that they’re feeling defensive about, gentle words, not pushy tactics, will get through their defenses.

A different translation of Proverbs 25:15 says it this way: “A gentle word can get through to the hard-headed” (NCV). What does this mean for me? If I'm a parent or teacher, screaming at a child never works. Anger and frustration will only create fear, resentment, and defensiveness. What does work? Gently disciplining in love.

Here’s yet another translation of the same verse: “Patience and gentle talk can convince a ruler and overcome any problem” (Proverbs 25:15 CEV). Many of us don’t live in cultures with a “ruler,” but we all have some kind of boss, supervisor, or authority in our lives. This translation reminds us that, with gentleness, we can persuade even those in authority over us.

The Bible says in Proverbs 16:21, “A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is” (GNT).

In that verse, there’s a connection between the words “pleasant” and “persuasive.” If I want to be persuasive, I must first be pleasant.

Being pleasant is a mark of maturity. Fools are rude and unpleasant. The wiser and more mature I am, the more pleasant and positive my speech becomes.

Remember this: I'm never persuasive when I'm abrasive. Gentleness is persuasive.

In Summary:

Proverbs 25:15 and its surrounding commentary highlight the counter intuitive power of gentleness and patience over aggression and force in communication. While culture often equates persuasion with volume or aggressive "hard sell" tactics, biblical wisdom asserts that pleasant, controlled speech is far more effective at dismantling rigid defenses, whether dealing with children, peers, or those in authority. Ultimate influence is not born out of being abrasive, but out of the emotional maturity and strategic patience required to speak kindly, building trust rather than provoking resentment.

Bottom Line:

True influence is never abrasive; emotional maturity and pleasant speech are the most effective tools for dismantling defenses and persuading others.

Next Step:

Identify an upcoming conversation this week where you anticipate resistance or feel high stakes—whether with a colleague, client, or family member—and intentionally script my opening remarks to prioritize a calm, pleasant tone over a defensive posture. By pre-determining my demeanor rather than reacting in the moment, I align my actions with the identity of a disciplined, emotionally mature leader who relies on sustainable trust rather than forceful persuasion.

Learning How to Be Gentle by Walking With Jesus

In Matthew 11:28-29 I read, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (NIV)

Gentleness is important for so many reasons. It defuses conflict. It disarms critics. It’s persuasive. It’s attractive. It communicates love.

Most importantly, gentleness makes me more like Jesus. In Matthew 11:28-29, Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (NIV).

So when I’m feeling weary and burdened, and want to find rest and peace, it will come from being like Jesus; being gentle.

I won’t be able to just walk out the door and force myself to be gentle. Gentleness needs to be an “inside job.” It should be the fruit of God’s Spirit within me. Jesus is gentle, and when I walk alongside him, I’ll learn to be gentle too. 

Daily I need to pray: “Lord, help me to treat people the way Jesus would.” Why? Because I am not by nature a gentle person. So I have to let God produce gentleness in my life.

Three simple ways to practice gentleness with God’s help this week:

1. When somebody serves me, be understanding, not demanding. Then next time you’re in a long line, be considerate—be understanding—of the person who eventually helps me.

2. When somebody disagrees with me, be tender without surrender.

I’ll never get my point across by being cross. I don’t have to back down from God’s truth, but I can treat people with gentleness and respect. 

3. When someone disappoints me, be gentle, not judgmental.

Ephesians 4:32 says it like this: “Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you” (MSG).  

As I walk alongside Jesus and put these things into practice every day, I believe that I will find myself becoming gentler and more like Jesus.

In summary, If I'm struggling and carrying a heavy load, Jesus tells me to come to him, for he will give me rest. I can put on his yoke and learn from him. For Jesus is gentle and humble and in him I will find rest. Gentleness is an important quality to practice. It will defuse conflict, and disarm critics. It's persuasive and attractive. It communicates love. More importantly, gentleness will make me more like Jesus. Jesus is gentle and humble. When I let him share my burdens, I will walk with him in a close relationship. He will give me rest and peace, not stress and pressure. 

Before They Trust Jesus, People Need to Trust Me

In Titus 3:2 I read, “Believers shouldn’t curse anyone or be quarrelsome, but they should be gentle and show courtesy to everyone.” (GW)

My gentleness is a witness to unbelievers. They’re watching me all the time to see if I’m any different when I’m under stress. When I respond to pressure with gentleness, it will be an incredible testimony to those I interact with.

The Bible says in Titus 3:2, “Believers shouldn’t curse anyone or be quarrelsome, but they should be gentle and show courtesy to everyone” (GW).

As a follower of Jesus, I should never speak evil of anyone or be quarrelsome. Instead, I must be gentle with and show courtesy to everyone. That means people with different beliefs.

I may spend a lot of time speaking with people I totally disagree with. I cannot win enemies to Christ; but I can win friends.

People aren’t going to trust Jesus until they trust me. People want to see that I am credible. Do I live with integrity? Am I gentle? Am I loving? Am I compassionate?

If people like what they see in me, they will be more apt to listen to what I say.

Here’s the thing: If you obey Titus 3:2, I may be criticized by others. They may say that I’m compromising. 

Treating other people with respect does not mean I have to compromise what I believe. I have friends who don’t agree with me and friends who don’t believe what I believe—because there’s something more important to focus on: That they know Jesus!

A great verse to keep in mind and live by is 1 Peter 3:15: “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (NIV).

This study today is a great reminder for me as I start out my Financial Coaching Practice. A lot of what I’ll need is honest relationships and respect for others. To be trusted, I’ll need to intentionally make friends from all walks of life so that I can coach, encourage and even talk to them about Jesus? Gentleness is a key quality to possess so that I can be encouraging. I’ll also need to be better “prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give a reason for the hope that you have” (1 Peter 3:15 NIV), as I talk to them and they are curious.

Show Love by Being Gentle

In Proverbs 15:1 I read, “A gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up.” (GNT)

Gentleness on my part will diffuse conflict, disarm critics, be persuasive, and be more attractive. Gentleness communicates love.

In marriage, the quickest way to improve the marriage is to start talking to your spouse more gently. It’ll do wonders! How many married couples could benefit from Proverbs 15:1, which says, “A gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up” (Proverbs 15:1 GNT)? Any fool can be selfish. Any fool can be rough. Any fool can be rude. But a gentle answer will goe a long way.  

In marriage we’ll end up hurting each other emotionally many times—so a great marriage is simply the union of two great forgivers. Both need to be great at forgiving. That’s a part of gentleness.

Gentleness is not only the key to an effective marriage; it’s also the key to effective parenting. As a parent or grandparent, never discipline out of anger or frustration, but always gently and out of love. The Bible says in Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger . . . but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (AMP). 

Display strength under control, and not yell at others. Show your love through a gentle nature. I need to let my gentle response do the same in relationships.

This principle is the same for all relationships. Keep in mind, “A gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up” (Proverbs 15:1 GNT).

I find It's hard to argue in a whisper. It's equally hard to argue with someone who insists on answering softly or gently. A rising voice and harsh words almost always trigger an angry response. To turn away wrath and seek peace, I can choose quiet and gentle words.

A tip that will save me a lot of heartache and conflict is when others raise their voice, to lower mine. This is called strength under control. Gentleness will defuse conflict. It deescalates anger. When someone raises their voice in anger, instead of getting defensive, practice gentleness. Let my gentle answer disarm the other person and diffuse the situation. 

Jesus Teaches Me How to Be Gentle

In Matthew 11:28-29 I read, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (NIV)

Learning to be gentle is so important for a follower of Christ. Gentleness defuses conflict. It disarms critics. It’s persuasive. It’s attractive. It communicates love.

Most importantly, gentleness makes me more like Jesus. Matthew 11:28-29 says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (NIV).

Does this mean that the stress and pressure I’m feeling in life are a cause of not being gentle? Yes. Because the Bible says that the more Christ-like I become, the more gentle I be and the more at rest I will be.

To be at peace and be like Jesus, doesn’t mean I can’t just walk out my door and force myself to be gentle. I can’t manufacture it, because inside I’m still going to be under stress. It’s got to be an “inside” job. It has to be the fruit of God’s Spirit inside me.

So whatever burden I’m carrying, there is an answer to my stress. Jesus wants me to take his yoke. This means he’s going to bear my burdens with me.

And when I let Jesus share my burden, I will walk with him in a close relationship. I will learn how to be gentler and humbler. He will exchange my stress and pressure for his rest and peace.

In summary, Jesus tells me when I’m weary and burdened, to come to him and he will give me rest. I’m to take his yoke and learn from Him. For He is gentle and humble in heart, and I will find rest. Learning to be gentle is so important. Gentleness defuses conflict. It disarms critics. It’s persuasive. It’s attractive. It communicates love. And gentleness makes me more like Jesus. Does this mean that the stress and pressure I’m feeling in life are a cause of not being gentle? Yes. Because the Bible says that the more Christ-like I become, the more gentle and at rest I’ll will be. To be at peace and be like Jesus doesn’t mean I can’t just walk out my door and force myself to be gentle. I can’t manufacture it, because inside I’m still going to be under stress. It’s got to be an “inside” job. It has to be the fruit of God’s Spirit within me. So whatever burden I’m carrying, there is an answer to my stress. Jesus wants me to take his yoke. This means he’s going to bear my burdens with me. And when I let Jesus share my burden, I will walk with him in a close relationship. I will learn how to be gentler and humbler. He will exchange my stress and pressure for his rest and peace.

A yoke helps reduce the load, as the load is shared. Jesus frees me from my burdens. The rest that Jesus promises is love, healing, and peace with God, not the actual end of all labor. A relationship with God changes meaningless, wearisome toil into spiritual productivity and purpose. Jesus doesn't offer a life of luxurious ease. The yoke is still a tool for working hard. But it's a shared yoke, with weight falling on bigger shoulders than mine. Someone with more pulling power is up front helping. Suddenly I am participating in life's responsibilities with a great Partner.

Father, thank you for Your Word and Jesus as my savior and example. You want me and I need you in my life. Please give me Your strength for today and remind me in little ways that I can always believe in, have faith in and can trust you in everything. This includes being the authority for my life, the source of my self-worth and my hope for the future. You have my best interests in mind. So I ask you to help me to embrace the way you’ve made me; my gifting and passions. Help me to serve and fulfill the mission you have in mind for me. 

Today, I ask you for wisdom and guidance for my day, my work, my leadership, my interactions with others, doing well and making a difference in others lives (including my job.) I pray all these things through you Son Jesus’ name, Amen. 

Gentleness Shows That I Love Jesus

In Titus 3:2 I read, “Believers shouldn’t curse anyone or be quarrelsome, but they should be gentle and show courtesy to everyone." (GW)

My gentleness is a witness to unbelievers. They’re watching me to see if I’m any different when I’m under stress. When I respond to pressure with gentleness, it’s an incredible testimony to the world.

The Bible says in Titus 3:2, “Believers shouldn’t curse anyone or be quarrelsome, but they should be gentle and show courtesy to everyone” (GW).

If I claim to be a follower of Jesus, I am not allowed to speak evil of anyone. I am not allowed to be quarrelsome. Instead, I must be gentle with and show courtesy to everyone. Does that mean even people of a different political party? Yes.

Others aren’t going to trust Jesus until they trust me. People usually don’t ask if the Bible is credible. They want to see that the life I live out according to it is credible. So, do I live with integrity? Am I gentle? Am I loving? Am I compassionate?

If others like what they see in me, they will listen to what I have to say.

Here’s the thing: If you obey Titus 3:2, I’ll be criticized by other Christians. They’re going to say I’m compromising. 

Treating others with respect does not mean I have to compromise what I believe. I have friends who don’t agree with me and friends who don’t believe what I believe. Because there’s something more important to focus on: Do they know Jesus?

A great verse to live by is 1 Peter 3:15: “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (NIV).

In summary, as a believer, I shouldn’t curse anyone or be quarrelsome. I need to be gentle and show courtesy to everyone. My gentleness is a witness to unbelievers. They’re watching me to see if I’m any different when I’m under stress. When I respond to pressure with gentleness, it’s an incredible testimony. As a follower of Jesus, I am not allowed to speak evil of anyone. I am not allowed to be quarrelsome. Instead, I must be gentle with and show courtesy to everyone. Others aren’t going to trust Jesus until they trust me. People usually don’t ask if the Bible is credible. They want to see that the life I live out according to it is. So, do I live with integrity? Am I gentle? Am I loving? Am I compassionate? If others like what they see in me, they will listen to what I have to say. Treating others with respect does not mean I have to compromise what I believe. There’s something more important to focus on: Do they know Jesus? I should Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks about the reason for the hope that I have. When I do, do this with gentleness and respect.”

Humility in this life boils down to having an honest estimate of myself before God. I show pride when I inflate the value of my efforts or look down on others. True humility seeks to view my character and accomplishments honestly. 

Father, thank you for Your Word and Jesus as my savior and example. You want me and I need you in my life. Please give me Your strength for today and remind me in little ways that I can always believe in, have faith in and can trust you in everything. This includes being the authority for my life, the source of my self-worth and my hope for the future. You have my best interests in mind. So I ask you to help me to embrace the way you’ve made me; my gifting and passions. Help me to serve and fulfill the mission you have in mind for me. 

Today, I ask you for wisdom and guidance for my day, my work, my leadership, my interactions with others, and doing well and making a difference in my new job.  I pray all these things through you Son Jesus’ name, Amen.