The Three “C”’s to Creating Conflict

In review of Proverbs 20:3 it says, “Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them”

Bottom Line:

Only a fool will insist on quarreling, however it is more honorable to stay out a fight.

What this means to me:

It is easy (and probably foolish) for me to start an argument. It is more honorable for me to avoid a fight at all costs.

Scripture tells me that a wise person will be more of a peacemaker and not a troublemaker. A wise person learns to not carry a chip on their shoulders, look for a fight or intentionally antagonize others.

However, I find that if I’m around someone long enough, I can usually figure out out what that person does that irritates me, and file it in the back of my mind as a tool to use when an argument comes up. It ultimately becomes a personal “weapon of mass destruction”! When in an argument, and that person says something that hurts, offends, or slights me in any way, I end up pulling out the big gun. I push their hot button.

This verse today reminds me this is foolishness! It doesn’t help me get any closer to a resolution or help the relationship, In fact, it hurts it further. It is not wise. Proverbs 20:3 says, “Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them” (TEV).

I can use all kinds of tools, tricks, and skills in relationships that are counter productive. They are harmful and do not get me what I want, in fact they get me just the opposite.

Three “C”’s to creating conflict are:

Comparing. Comparing just antagonizes anger. I should not compare anyone with someone else. I need to remember that God created each person to be unique.

Condemning. If I lay on the guilt in a relationship, all I’m going to get is the exact opposite of what I’d expect. It doesn’t work.

Contradicting. There’s some stuff I just need to overlook. It’s not worth mentioning or bringing up. Being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

Another verse from Proverbs 14:29 reminds me that, “A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes” (TLB). When I get angry, my intelligence will go out the window. When I get angry, I say and do foolish things that are actually become self-defeating.

As Rick Warren pointed out, there is only one letter difference between “anger” and “danger”? When I get angry, I’m in dangerous territory and I’ll end up hurting others and myself.

How Gentleness and Humility Can Reduce My Stress

In review of Matthew 11:29 it says, “Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls”

Bottom Line:

Take up his yoke, learn from him, for he is gentle and humble and in him you will find rest.

What this means to me:

I am to take up the yoke that Christ offers. I am to put it onto my shoulders and then learn from him. For he is gentle and humble in heart, and in this I will find rest for my soul.

One of the things that Jesus says in this stress management verse is to, “Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29b NIV).

I can learn from Jesus Christ how to lower stress, and his means are with gentleness and humility. Instead of teaching endurance, stamina, confidence or courage, Jesus wants me to learn gentleness and humility.

Interestingly enough, what I’m learning is that the two biggest causes of stress are a result of my own arrogance and aggression.

Aggression happens when I do things too quickly. I don’t wait. I don’t ponder. I don’t delay. I don’t think it through. I don’t trust God’s guidance and direction. I mainly just jump in with both feet. And as a result, I get over committed, and I end up filling my life with a lot of things that it shouldn’t be filled with.

Arrogance is the idea that I know what’s best for me, so i’m going to control everything. It as if I’m thinking that I can handle things better than God can. It’s this attitude that likely creates the most stress.

The truth is when I try to do it all, have it all, be it all, and experience it all, that is aggression and arrogance. So Jesus antidote is gentleness and humility.

Since I have tried other things, why not trust and come to Jesus. He is gentle and humble of heart, and he will give me rest. Today I will consider how I can practice gentleness with the people and in with the activities I’m committed to.

Eliminate Stress By Giving up Control

In review of Matthew 11:29-30 it says, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”

Bottom Line:

Take up his yoke and learn from him. He is gentle and humble. In him you will find rest.

What this means to me:

I should learn to take Jesus yoke, put it on, and then learn from him. He is gentle and humble in spirit and I will find rest in him. The assistance Jesus gives when I yoke together with him makes it easier and lightens up my load.

The overload I experience in life is likely because I’m trying to contol way too much. I think, it all depends on me. “If it’s to be, it’s up to me. I’ve got to hold it all together. I’ve got to make it all work.”

What I’m reminded of is that, while I’m an operations manager at work, I’m not the operations or general manager of the universe. The more control I try to exercise over the universe, the more stressed out I’ll get.

Today’s passage reminds me that Jesus has a different plan for me, he says to: “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:29-30 NIV).

It sounds a bit contrary to take something else on, especially if I’m already carry too much.  

Part of what Jesus is referring to, relates to farming, something everyone at that time could understand. A “yoke” is a single piece of wood that brings two farm animals together, so the load is shared. A yoke is not a harness. You put a harness on one cow or one horse, and it has to pull the whole load. With a yoke, you team up two or more animals so the load is halved. It is lightened. The purpose is to make it easier on the animal, not harder.

What I’m learning is that when Jesus says to take his yoke, he’s saying, He never meant for me to carry all my problems on my own. He is telling me to let him help. To team up with and partner with him. He will help me carry the load.”

So, if I’m feeling stressed, it means I’m not fully yoked to Jesus Christ. Stress is a warning sign/indicator that tells me I’m trying to control things and carry too much on my own.

Every time I get disconnected from Jesus, the stress is going to go up in life. But if I get reattached and yoked up, he’s going to help me pull the load.  As a result the stress will go down.

Often when we feel stressed, we think we need a break or escape. This may help temporarily, however the stress is there when I get back.  Often I can end up taking my stress with me because it’s in my mind. So I can be just as stressed lying on a white sandy beach as I am right in the middle of problems at home.

I believe God is saying the answer to stress is to give up control. Every time I give up control, God grants me peace. Today, I will consider how I can share my burden (get yoked up) with him.

Only God Can De-stress My Soul

In review of Matthew 11:28 it says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”

Bottom Line:

If you find yourself tired from carrying heavy burdens, go to Jesus, he promises to give you rest.

What this means to me:

I should come to Jesus and give him all of my burdens (heavy or not). He promises to give me rest and make the load lighter.

Today's verse is from Matthew chapter 11. Jesus said to them, "come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."

When we get stressed out, exhausted or overloaded, we typically unwind by sitting on the couch or escape by going to a movie or out to dinner. We may even turn to hobbies or sports.

While there is nothing wrong with any of those things, none of them will provide the relief that is really needed. I could take all the naps in the world, but it’s not going to de-stress my soul. It may rest my body, but it won’t rest my spirit. There’s only one thing that can rest my soul: God. As only he can give me that inner peace that de-stresses.

Today’s verse reminds me of this. It it says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28 RSV).

Jesus is not saying, “Come to church” or do some other form of religious activity. He doesn’t say to come to Bible study or small group. When overloaded, there’s only one person who understands real soul rest. It’s God. What I really need more than anything else when I’m overloaded is more time alone with God.

Matthew 6:6 from the message translation says, “Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace” (MSG).

Why is it, I turn to everything else before turning toward him?  I think a lot of times it’s because I think I can handle it on my own, and at other times I just don’t realize that God is waiting for me to call on him. However, over and over in the Bible God tells me, “Cry out to me. Call out to me. Talk to me. Cast your burdens on me.”

When I feel myself running on empty, the first thing I need to do is call out to God for help. So instead of turning to a substance, a program, or a plan. “Come to Christ”, as he promises to give me rest.

The Best Time to Love Is Now

In review of Proverbs 3:27-28 it says, “Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it. Never tell your neighbors to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now”

Bottom Line:

Help whenever it is needed.

What this means to me:

Whenever I can, I should do good for those who need it. I should never put off for tomorrow that which I could help out with now.

Another truth that I need to build into my that will help me focus my life and strengthen my relationships is know that the best time to love others is now.

Today’s verse in Proverbs 3:27-28 says, “Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it. Never tell your neighbors to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now” (GNT).

The reason why now is the best time to express love, is because I don’t know how long I’ll get the opportunity to do it. Circumstances often change. Things happen to people. Children grow up and leave home. I am not guaranteed a tomorrow. So If I’m going to express love, I’d better get after it and do it now.

Recently I heard of two real life examples, Charles Colson and George McGovern. Both were at opposite extremes in the political spectrum. In fact in the 1972 presidential campaign, they worked on opposite sides. But they both ended up with the same regret.

Colson wrote, “As I think back on my life, my biggest regret is not spending more time with the kids. Making family your top priority means going against the culture where materialism and workaholism are rampant. It means realizing you may not advance as fast in your career as some do. It means being willing to accept a lower standard of living, knowing that you’re doing the right thing for your children, giving them the emotional security that they will draw on for the rest of their lives.”

McGovern wrote a book about his daughter Terry, who died of alcoholism in 1994. After the tragedy, McGovern poured over Terry’s diaries and discovered that he was not as good a father as he thought he’d been. While he was spending 18-hour days fighting for political causes, Terry was at home writing in her diary that she missed her daddy, but he probably didn’t miss her because he probably didn’t care about her. McGovern wrote in his advice to parents, “Show more love to your kids by spending more time with them, especially during the adolescent years, no matter what it costs your career. That way neither of you will have regrets.

So I should never hesitate. It’s never too late. The best time to love is right now.

Today I will consider who I should be spending more time with and what I may need to cut out of my schedule to make time to love the people in my life.

The Best Expression of Love Is Time

In review of 1 John 3:18 it says, “We must show love through actions that are sincere, not through empty words”

Bottom Line:

Show love for others by truly helping them, and not just talking about it

What this means to me:

Actions speak more than words. I should not just say I love people, I need to really love them, and show it by my actions and my time.

Today’s verse comes from 1 John 3.  In it John explains that the message we have heard from the start is that we should love one another. If we do this, we shouldn't be surprised if the world hates us. After all, we know what real love it because Jesus gave up his life for us, so we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. If we have the means to live well and see someone in need but show no compassion, then how is God's love in us. So do not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident in where we stand before God. God’s command is that we believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as he commanded us.  Those who obey God's commandments remain in fellowship with him, and he with them.

Another truth I need to remember is that if I want to reduce the stress and overload is knowing that the best expression of love is time. Today's verse from 1 John 3:18 says, “We must show love through actions that are sincere, not through empty words” (GW).

The most desired gift of love is focused attention and as such the greatest gift I can give anybody is my time. It’s the most precious and desired gift because my time is my life.

Time is my most precious commodity because I only have a certain amount of it. God’s already decided the number of days I’m going to live. While I can always get more money or things, I cannot get more time. So this means that every time I give someone my time, I’m giving that person a portion of my life that I will never get back. That’s why the greatest gift I can give someone is my time.

In our quick paced culture many people are in time-starved relationships. We live in the same home, but we pass each other by night like ships, the relationship can shrivel and dry up for lack of attention. There are a lot of things can rob a relationship. For instance work, hobbies, and even church involvement or ministry can rob a relationship.

In order for me to revitalize a relationship I should start by investing more of myself by giving away my time. As I express my love through time, I will be a blessing to others, and I can enjoy a deeper, more meaningful relationships.

Today, I will consider how to give my time away to show love, care and service to others.

Learning That The Best Use of My Life Is Love

In review of 1 Corinthians 14:1 it says, “Let love be your highest goal!”

Bottom Line:

Let love be what drives you.

What this means to me:

I am to let love be my motivation and highest goal.

Today's verse comes from the first part of 1 Corinthians 14 where Paul speaks of encouraging, strengthening and comforting others.  He starts by saying to let love be our highest goal. We should desire the gifts the Spirit gives us, but especially the ability to prophesy. One who prophesies strengthens others, encourages them, and comforts them.

There are truths that I need to keep in mind that will help me focus my life and reduce overload and stress. Practice of these will lead to better relationships.

The first truth is this: The best use of life is love.  Paul says in 1 Corinthians 14:1, “Let love be your highest goal!” (NLT) I am to make it my number one priority, my primary objective, my greatest ambition and my life's purpose. It can’t just be in the top 10 things, it must be number one. I make it number one because God says love is what life's all about. The Bible says, “No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love” (1 Corinthians 13:3 MSG). Loving relationships aren’t just something I squeeze into my schedule. God doesn’t just say that loving relationships are an important part of my life. God says loving relationships are my life. That’s what life's all about. It’s all about love.

Second, God says I need to focus on love because that’s all that’s going to last: “Three things will last forever — faith, hope, and love — and the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT). The way for me to leave a lasting legacy is to fill my life with love.

Today I will consider what legacy I would leave behind if something were to happen to me and I would no longer be around?  What would others say and would it have anything to do with the way I loved others?