Learning How to Get Past Regrets

In review of Isaiah 43:18-19 it says, “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands”

Bottom Line:

Don’t dwell on the past. Something new is starting to take place. He is opening new paths and opportunities.

What this means to me:

I should not dwell on what has happened in the past. Instead I should be alert and present in the moment. God is doing something brand-new. He is paving the way for better things.

Dwelling on the past is much like playing the “if only” game...  

. If only I could do it over again.

. If only I had listened sooner.

. If only I could erase the past.

. If only I could forgive myself.

I have learned that this is a foolish question, mainly because there is no real answer. Furthermore pondering it will never change what had already taken place. I will always have regrets. I have made bad choices and said foolish things. I’ve wasted time and hurt myself and others. I need to keep in mind that I am not perfect.

What I am learning is that I need to release any regrets. Here are some strategies I had tended to fall back on that simply put, do not work:

Burying It - Burying the past will never help me get past any regrets. I can try to minimize (“It wasn’t a big deal”), rationalize (“Everyone does it”), and compromise (lower my standards), but the regrets are still there, and if unresolved, they’ll keep coming back to haunt me over and over again like a creature in a horror movie.

Blame - This tactic is as old as Adam and Eve. When Adam sinned, he took it like a man: He blamed his wife! I have used blame to balance out guilt.

Beating myself up - I try to pay for my guilt unconsciously through illness, depression, setting myself up for failure, and other forms of self-punishment. The problem with beating up on myself is this: My conscience never knows when to stop! I’d rather not spend my life in self-condemnation.

So instead, here’s what I can do:

Admit my guilt - Own up to it. Don’t make excuses. “A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance” (Proverbs 28:13 TLB).

Accept Christ’s forgiveness - He’s waiting to clean my slate. I can ask him to clear my conscience. Romans 8:1 says, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (NIV).

Forgive myself, and focus on the future - “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands” (Isaiah 43:18-19 MSG).

Today I will consider, if there is anything I’m holding onto where I need to admit my guilt (or part in it), accept forgiveness and refocus on the future.

The Best Time to Love Is Now

In review of Proverbs 3:27-28 it says, “Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it. Never tell your neighbors to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now”

Bottom Line:

Help whenever it is needed.

What this means to me:

Whenever I can, I should do good for those who need it. I should never put off for tomorrow that which I could help out with now.

Another truth that I need to build into my that will help me focus my life and strengthen my relationships is know that the best time to love others is now.

Today’s verse in Proverbs 3:27-28 says, “Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it. Never tell your neighbors to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now” (GNT).

The reason why now is the best time to express love, is because I don’t know how long I’ll get the opportunity to do it. Circumstances often change. Things happen to people. Children grow up and leave home. I am not guaranteed a tomorrow. So If I’m going to express love, I’d better get after it and do it now.

Recently I heard of two real life examples, Charles Colson and George McGovern. Both were at opposite extremes in the political spectrum. In fact in the 1972 presidential campaign, they worked on opposite sides. But they both ended up with the same regret.

Colson wrote, “As I think back on my life, my biggest regret is not spending more time with the kids. Making family your top priority means going against the culture where materialism and workaholism are rampant. It means realizing you may not advance as fast in your career as some do. It means being willing to accept a lower standard of living, knowing that you’re doing the right thing for your children, giving them the emotional security that they will draw on for the rest of their lives.”

McGovern wrote a book about his daughter Terry, who died of alcoholism in 1994. After the tragedy, McGovern poured over Terry’s diaries and discovered that he was not as good a father as he thought he’d been. While he was spending 18-hour days fighting for political causes, Terry was at home writing in her diary that she missed her daddy, but he probably didn’t miss her because he probably didn’t care about her. McGovern wrote in his advice to parents, “Show more love to your kids by spending more time with them, especially during the adolescent years, no matter what it costs your career. That way neither of you will have regrets.

So I should never hesitate. It’s never too late. The best time to love is right now.

Today I will consider who I should be spending more time with and what I may need to cut out of my schedule to make time to love the people in my life.