Finding the Courage to Connect

In 2 Timothy 1:7 I read, “For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them.” (TLB)

When I’m full of fear and anxiety, I won’t get close to others. Instead, I end up backing off. I fear being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, hurt, or used, and these fears cause me to disconnect from the people around me.

This fear is as old as humanity. When Adam and Eve sinned, God came looking for them. Then Adam said, “I was afraid . . . and I hid myself” (Genesis 3:10 ESV). People have been hiding ever since.

I may not be physically hiding, but I hide my true self. I don’t let people know what I’m really like. I don’t let them see inside me. Why? Because I believe that if I show people my true self and they don’t like it, I’ll be up a creek without a paddle. Instead, I pretend to be someone I’m not.

This fear leads to three things that will damage my relationships:

Fear makes me defensive. I’m afraid to reveal myself, but people inevitably spot some of my weaknesses. And when they point out those weaknesses, I defend myself and retaliate.

Fear keeps me distant. I’m afraid to be open and honest—to let people get close to me. Instead, I withdraw and pull back so I can hide my emotions. I become defensive and distant.

Fear makes me demanding. The more insecure I am, the more I try to control and dominate. For me, it might look like I always have to get the last word in a conversation. Being demanding is always a symptom of fear and insecurity.

Clearly, fear only damages my relationships. But where do I get the courage to take the first step to connect with someone and move toward deeper intimacy?

I get it from God’s Spirit in my life. Paul says in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them” (TLB).

How do I know I’m filled with God’s Spirit? I’m filled with God’s Spirit when I’ve become more courageous in my relationships. Rather than fearing people, I’m free to love them and enjoy being with them.

The Bible says that “God is love” (1 John 4:8 TLB) and that “perfect love drives out all fear” (1 John 4:18 GNT). The more of God I have in my life, the less fear I’m going to have.

The starting point in connecting with anyone is to pause, pray, and say, “God, give me the courage to take the first step.” Am I ready to pray for one of my relationships today?

In summary, when I’m full of fear and anxiety, I won’t get close to others. I end up backing off. I fear being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, hurt, or used. These fears cause me to disconnect and hide my true self. I don’t let people know what I’m really like. I don’t let them see inside me. I believe that if I show people my true self and they don’t like it, I’ll be up a creek without a paddle. Instead, I pretend to be someone I’m not. This fear leads to three things that will damage my relationships: First fear makes me defensive. I’m afraid to reveal myself, but people inevitably spot some of my weaknesses. And when they point out those weaknesses, I defend myself and retaliate. Secondly fear keeps me distant. I’m afraid to be open and honest—to let people get close to me. Instead, I withdraw and pull back so I can hide my emotions. I become defensive and distant. And last fear makes me demanding. The more insecure I am, the more I try to control and dominate. Being demanding is always a symptom of fear and insecurity. So fear only damages my relationships. But where do I get the courage to take the first step to connect? I get it from God’s Spirit in my life. God does not want me to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them. I’m filled with God’s Spirit when I’ve become more courageous in my relationships. Rather than fearing people, I’m free to love them and enjoy being with them. God is love and perfect love drives out all fear. The more of God I have in my life, the less fear I’m going to have. The starting point in connecting with anyone is to pause, pray, and say, “God, give me the courage to take the first step.” Am I ready to do this?

In this chapter, Paul urged Timothy to be bold. If I allow people to intimidate me, I neutralize my effectiveness for God. The power of the Holy Spirit can help me overcome my fear of what some might say or do to me so that I can continue to do God's work. Paul mentions three characteristics of the effective Christian leader: power, love and self-discipline. These are available to me because the Holy Spirit lives in me. I am to follow his lead each day so that my life will more fully exhibit these characteristics. In this time of mounting persecution, Timothy may have been afraid to continue preaching the Good News. His fears were based on fact because believers were being arrested and executed. Paul told Timothy to expect suffering, Timothy, like Paul, would be jailed for preaching the Good News. But Paul promised Timothy that God would give him strength and that he would be ready when it was his turn to suffer. Even when there is no persecution, sharing my faith in Christ can be difficult. Fortunately, myself, like Paul and Timothy, can rely on the Holy Spirit to give me courage. Don't be ashamed to testify of my personal faith in Jesus Christ. 

To Keep from Fearing Rejection, Keep Eternity in Mind

In review of Isaiah 51:12 it says, “The Lord says, ‘I am the one who strengthens you. Why should you fear mortals, who are no more enduring than grass?’”

Bottom Line:

God is the one who provides comfort. There is no need to fear man who will end up drying up and dying like grass.

What this means to me:

God says that he is the one who comforts me and gives me joy. Why should I be afraid of or fear mere humans. After all they are nothing more than grass that is here one day and then withers and dies.

Today's verse comes from Isaiah chapter 51. In Isaiah writes about our call in trusting the Lord. He speaks on behalf of God our Father who tells us, "Listen to me, all who hope for deliverance, all who seek the Lord! who we came from. The Lord will comfort his people. His mercy and justice are coming soon. While everything on this earth will pass away, God's righteous rule will never end. God's righteousness itself will last forever, and his salvation will continue from generation to generation. After all God is the one who comforts us. Given this why are we afraid of mere humans who wither like the grass and disappear? Yet we tend to forget the Lord, our Creator.

One way I can learn to overcome the fear of rejection, is by keeping the right perspective in mind. While I can listen to the opinions of others, I should never overvalue what they say.

In our verse today, Isaiah is indicating that our life here on Earth is only temporary, so why be afraid of other people’s opinions? Other people are not God, and their actual opinions will not last. The secret to success is to outlast my critics.

Isaiah indicates that if mortal men put me down, don’t worry about it. God’s opinion is the one that counts, and not theirs. Don’t assume that their judgments are infallible or straight from God. You don’t have to automatically accept someone’s criticism. You ought to judge it for what it’s worth.

If I allow people’s approval becomes all-important, then I’ll be setting myself up to fear rejection.

The Bible says, “In view of all this, what can we say? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31 GNT) If you recognize how much God is for you, it gives you the ability to withstand tremendous rejection.

For some people, all that matters is popularity, fame, or applause. “What do other people think of me? How do I look to everybody else? Image is everything!”

If I live that way, then I’m at the mercy of everybody else’s judgments. If they think I’m a loser, I must be a loser! If they think I’m a dork, I must be a dork! This is no way to live.

God never intended for you to live that way. He says, “What are you listening to them for? They’re just mortal men. I’m the one that counts. They are no more enduring than grass.”

Paul said his goal in life was to please God, not men: “Does this sound as if I am trying to win human approval? No indeed! What I want is God’s approval! Am I trying to be popular with people? If I were still trying to do so, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10).

He says I have a choice. I can choose whether I’m going to live for the applause of God or the applause of men.

Who are you more interested in pleasing? The crowd or God? Paul indicates that I can’t seek the approval of both at the same time. So I’ll just have to decide who I want to impress. Just remember whose applause is “no more enduring than grass.”

This verse reminds me that God is for me and he wants to see me succeed!