The Courage to Step First

One of the most important life skills I need to learn is conflict resolution. If I don’t learn it, I'll spend much of my life miserable. Why? Because we’re are allimperfect people and we have conflict almost every day of our lives.

To resolve conflict, I often need to make the first move. And to do that, I'm going to have to ask for God’s help. 

It takes courage to approach someone I am in conflict with and tell them I want to sit down and work it out. Once I’ve made that step, I shouldn't start with what the other person has done wrong; in other words you don’t make accusations or list ways you’ve been hurt. I start with what I’ve done wrong.

I can always find something to confess. Even if the conflict is 99.99 percent the other person’s fault, I can admit my part. Maybe it was my poor response or attitude. Maybe it was the way I walked away.

I have weaknesses in my life that others see clearly but I don't see. Those are my blind spots. That’s why I need to come to conflict resolution with a humble heart and begin with mu own faults.

Jesus said, “Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? . . . You hypocrite! First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend’s eye” (Matthew 7:3, 5 NCV).

What’s the piece of wood in your eye that is keeping you from seeing the situation clearly? Don’t start with all the ways the other person has hurt me until I’ve confessed my part of the conflict first.

Did I cause conflict by being insensitive? Or was I overly sensitive? Did I not show compassion for the person who was hurting? Was I being overly demanding? 

What are My blind spots? Once I figure them out and confess them, I’ll be ready for the next step in conflict resolution. 

In Summary:

Conflict is an inevitable part of navigating an imperfect world, making conflict resolution one of the most critical skills I can develop for my long-term peace and personal growth. Drawing from Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 7 about removing the plank from my own eye before addressing the speck in someone else's, this text underscores that true reconciliation begins with self-examination rather than accusation. Resolving tension requires the courage to initiate the conversation and the humility to identify and confess my own blind spots and contributions to the issue—no matter how small they might seem. By shifting my focus from what the other person did wrong to what I can personally account for, I disarm defensiveness and build a foundation for genuine healing.

Bottom Line:

Effective conflict resolution begins when you possess the courage to own your part of the problem before asking anyone else to change theirs.

Next Steps:

To cultivate disciplined action in my communication, identify one active area of relational tension in my life right now. Before speaking to the individual, take a piece of paper and write down at least two potential blind spots or poor reactions I contributed to the situation (e.g., your timing, tone, or defensiveness). Once identified, schedule a time to initiate a conversation with them where my only objective for the first five minutes is to sincerely apologize for my portion of the conflict, setting an identity alignment standard as a proactive peacemaker.