To Love, I Have to Listen

In Romans 15:2 I read, “We must bear the ‘burden’ of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others.” (TLB)

Listening is probably the most important skill in building friendships and relationships. I can’t love people without listening to them.

But sometimes people run into trouble in their relationships when they think hearing and listening are the same thing. The truth is that there’s a big difference between hearing someone and listening to them.

I can hear something and not really be listening. I am hearing the words but not really listening to the emotions. Sometimes the words don’t even matter. Someone can say to me, “I’m fine,” but the way they say it tells me that they’re not. Listening means I also hear what the person isn’t saying.

When I listen that way, I’m showing empathy. Empathy means to put myself in the other person’s shoes and learn their point of view. I ask myself, “How would I feel if I were in that situation?”

Listening with empathy means I listen without interruption and I listen for what’s not being said—the feelings and fears behind the words. And I don’t need to try to fix the situation; sometimes healing comes just from someone listening!

Romans 15:2 says, “We must bear the ‘burden’ of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others” (TLB).

What does it mean to be considerate or to bear the burden of someone else’s doubts? It means that—when people are in so much pain that they don’t even know what they believe—they need the devotion of a loyal friend. They need someone who will be present and listen with empathy. Will I be that friend today?

In summary, listening is probably the most important skill in building friendships and relationships. I can’t love people without listening to them. Often we think hearing and listening are the same thing, however there’s a big difference between hearing someone and listening to them. I can hear something and not really be listening. I am hearing the words but not really listening to the emotions. Sometimes the words don’t even matter. Someone can say to me, “I’m fine,” but the way they say it tells me that they’re not. Listening means I also hear what the person isn’t saying. When I listen that way, I’m showing empathy, which puts me in the other person’s shoes and to learn their point of view. Listening with empathy means I listen without interruption and I listen for what’s not being said—the feelings and fears behind the words. I don’t need to try to fix the situation; sometimes healing comes just from someone listening! To be considerate or to bear the burden of someone else’s doubts? It means that—when people are in so much pain that they don’t even know what they believe—they need the devotion of a loyal friend. They need someone who will be present and listen with empathy. 

I need to look after the good of the people around me, asking myself, “How can I help?” I need to be considerate and help others do what is right. Listening is probably the most important skill in building friendships and relationships. I can love others without listening to them. There's a big difference between hearing and listening. Listening means I also hear what the person isn't saying. This is empathy and it's where I put myself in the other person's shoes and learn their point of view. I need to listen without interruption and listen for fears and feelings. Often healing comes by listening. Others need the devotion of a loyal friend, someone who will be present and listen with empathy.  

To Get Enthusiastic, Get in God

In review of Romans 12:11-12 it says, “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer”

Bottom Line:

Work hard and don’t be lazy. Serve with devotion, let your hope keep you joyful. Be patient in times of trouble and pray always.

What this means to me:

I should not be lazy or give up, rather work hard and serve the Lord with devotion. I am to let my hope keep me joyful. I need to be patient in times of trouble and never stop praying.

It's important to maintain my enthusiasm over time. Enthusiasm will help me make it across the finish line. But how do I go about doing this?

Positive thinking will not be enough. Pulling myself up by my psychological bootstraps is not enough. Talking myself into optimism is not enough.

What I’m reminded of this morning is that the way to stay enthusiastic for a lifetime is found in the word “enthusiasm” itself. The word “enthusiasm” comes from the Greek phrase en theos. En is the Greek word for the English word “in.” Theos is the Greek word for “God.” So en theos means to be “in God.”

When I get in God, I will be enthusiastic. It’s the kind of enthusiasm that isn’t affected by the economy or the weather or by my circumstances. It’s eternal because I’m tied to the eternal God. I am in Christ.

Paul explains how to do this in Romans 12:11-12. He says, “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” (NIV).

To reach my goals, I need to get God’s power by being joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.

Today I pray, “Dear God, I don’t want to go another day without you in my life, controlling every part of my heart. I offer you my body. I dedicate myself to you. In light of all you’ve done for me, I give myself as a living sacrifice to you as a spiritual act of worship.I humbly admit that I need help. I want you to help renew my mind. Help me to think the way you want me to think. Please forgive me for my pride. I don’t want to think more highly of myself than I should. My faith needs to grow, and I need your help to set goals that can be measured so I can manage them. Forgive me for trying to change on my own. I want to fill my life with love. I want to fill my life with you. Help me to get group support. Help me to take delight in honoring others, to focus on giving my life away so that you can take care of my needs. I want to nurture my enthusiasm by being in you. Help me to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. I give myself to you. In your name I pray. Amen.”