The Discipline of the Listening Ear, Listen Before You Fix

“The one who gives an answer before he listens—this is foolishness and disgrace for him." Proverbs 18:13 (CSB) One of the problems with us is that we like to fix things. When we see a problem, we want to quickly jump to how we can solve it so we can move on. But God wants me to be a feeler before a fixer. He wants me to feel someone’s pain before I try to solve the problem. “The one who gives an answer before he listens—this is foolishness and disgrace for him" (Proverbs 18:13 CSB).          I may be barely into a conversation before I think, "I know how to fix this." But that's not loving. People don't care what I know until they know that I care. They want to feel heard. They want to feel loved. They want to feel understood. There is healing in sharing. My ear is a healing tool God can use if I'll learn to listen without trying to fix anything. In John 11, when Jesus heard that his friend Lazarus was sick, he delayed and took three days to travel what should have taken less than a day. By the time Jesus arrived, Lazarus had died. His sisters were grieving and told Jesus that if he had come sooner, Lazarus would not have died. Jesus’ delay might seem callous, but he had a plan: He didn’t want to heal Lazarus. He wanted to raise him from the dead to show that he, Jesus, was the Son of God. He already knew the solution before Lazarus even got sick.   "Jesus saw her weeping, and he saw how the people with her were weeping also; his heart was touched, and he was deeply moved. ‘Where have you buried him?’ he asked them. ‘Come and see, Lord,’ they answered. Jesus wept” (John 11:33-35 GNT).     Jesus was not unconcerned about their pain. When he saw everybody around him grieving, he mirrored it. He entered into it. Jesus knew the solution, but it didn’t keep him from sharing their grief. He shared their feelings, not his solution. I may know the solution to someone’s problem, but I need to hold off. If I'm going to be a great listener, I've got to listen to their feelings and enter into their pain. In summary: Proverbs 18:13 and the narrative of Jesus at the tomb of Lazarus (John 11) converge to highlight the spiritual necessity of empathetic listening over immediate problem-solving. While human nature often drives us to "fix" situations to alleviate discomfort, true biblical wisdom prioritizes understanding and shared presence. Even Christ, who possessed the ultimate sovereign solution to death, chose to engage in communal grief and emotional resonance before exercising His power. This approach establishes that ministry and personal growth are rooted in the "ministry of presence," where the listener honors the dignity of the sufferer by validating their pain before offering a prescription. Bottom Line: Effective ministry requires the discipline to prioritize the heart of the person over the mechanics of the problem. Next Step: In your next three significant conversations, consciously implement a "pause-before-prescription" rule: do not offer a solution or a "fix" until you have verbally mirrored the other person's emotion and received confirmation that they feel understood.