Learning To Remember the Best, And To Forget the Rest

In review of Philippians 1:3 it says, “I thank my God every time I remember you.”

Bottom Line:

Every time I think of you, I thank God.

What this means to me:

I should choose to think of the positive and every time I think of someone in prayer, I also thank God for them.

When it comes to remembering those around me, I can think of good and some bad experiences. The apostle Paul indicates; “I like to remember the good things about people, focus on the good times we’ve had, and remember the positive experiences.”

When Paul said this, he was not having an easy time in Philippi. Acts chapter 16 indicates that when he went to Philippi he was illegally arrested, whipped, humiliated, and thrown into prison before finally being asked to leave town. Yet he says, “I thank my God every time I remember you” (Philippians 1:3 NIV).

Paul could have dwelt on the negative. He could have remembered the painful memories. Instead he chose not to remember the painful things; rather, he focused on the things he could be grateful for.

Hurt from someone past or present can keep me from any enjoyment from being around them because my thoughts focus back to the negative. What I’m learning is that I need to be grateful for the good in people. Thinking pleasant memories are a choice. I can choose what I’m going to remember about the past.

Thinking differently does not mean that I need to deny the hurts I’ve had or that I excuse the weaknesses in other people. Its better to focus on the good, and choose to emphasize the strengths.

In summary, in order to enjoy others, I need to focus on their strengths and not their weaknesses. Of course with some people, this will take a lot of creativity. But I’m sure I can find something good in everybody.

Letting God Settle the Score

In review of 1 Peter 3:9 it says, “Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.”

Bottom Line:

Don’t be hateful and repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate or snap back with insults when you're insulted. Instead pay them back with a blessing; pray for God’s help for them, as this is what God called you to do. Bless and he will bless you for it.

What this means to me:

I am to not be hateful or to repay evil for evil that had been done to me. Also, I am not to retaliate or snap back with insults if I have been insulted. Instead, I am to do what’s opposite of my natural inclinations, and pay them back with a blessing; pray for God’s help for them. This is what God has called me to do. Bless them and he will bless me.

Nothing crushes a spirit more than abuse; to feel devalued, unimportant, and misused. Jesus understands this. He says, “I will care for you.”

The starting point in any healing is to getting to know my Healer. I need to say, “Jesus, I don’t know how you did this, but you took the guilt for every sin in the world; the ones done to me and the ones done by me. You took that abuse on yourself. I want to learn to love you. And I want you to come in and heal my heart and my mind and my body.”

As a model for us, Jesus showed that when he was abused, he didn’t retaliate. The Bible says, “Christ never verbally abused those who verbally abused him. When he suffered, he didn’t make any threats but left everything to the one who judges fairly” (1 Peter 2:23 GW).

What I can trust is that one day, God is going to even the score and balance the books. One day God is going to right all the wrongs. All the evil that’s happened in the world will not go unpunished. God will settle the score. It is his alone to settle. God is a truly just God. He can do a whole lot better job at settling the score than I can. He wants me to leave it in his hands, because he’s God, and I’m not.

One of the reasons we deal with abuse is because it's contagious. It gets passed on from generation to generation. It up to me to break the chain, starting today and starting now. It starts with the power of the Holy Spirit working in me. Therefore, I’m going to strive to think first before taking a natural course of action when I’m offended. I will attempt to work on blessing instead and leaving the justice to God.

What to Do with Biblical Truth

In review of Colossians 1:23 it says, “You must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News.”

Bottom Line:

Continue to believe this truth and be faithful on a firm and sure foundation. Never allow yourselves to be shaken from the hope you have gained when you heard the gospel.

What this means to me:

I am to Continue to believe in and stand firmly on this truth. It provides a firm and sure foundation. I should not allow myself to ever be shaken from the hope that I know (Jesus died for me.)

In discovering the truth in God’s Word, there are four things I need to be sure that I do:

1. Believe it. Colossians 1:23 says, “You must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News” (NLT). The Bible tells me to believe the truth and stand firmly in it.

2. Do what it says. Truth is not just an intellectual exercise. It’s something I do. I practice, apply, live and obey it. I am to start doing what I already know. The Bible says in Philippians 3:16, “We must hold on to the progress we have already made.”        

3. Stand for it. The Bible says that I “must always stand for the truth” (2 Corinthians 13:8). I should never be ashamed in a postmodern world that says it doesn’t really matter. I am to stand for truth. The Bible tells me my responsibility is to never oppose the truth but to stand for it at all times. I need to be a person of truth in this relativistic age.

4. Spread it. 3 John 1:8 says I “must support believers who go on trips like this so that we can work together with them in spreading the truth” (GW). This means I figure out where God is working, and join him there. It means I go when he tells me to go and serve where he tells me to serve. I am to obey God, so that I can help spread the truth.

Titus 2:7 says, “Let everything you do reflect your love of the truth and the fact that you were in dead earnest about it” (LB). Overall, there’s a lot in the Bible that I don’t understand. And there’s a lot there that is likely to be uncomfortable for me. But the fact is, it is the truth. I will commit to always letting it lead me where I need to go, and telling me what is right.

Today I pray, “God, I’m stepping across the line today. Jesus Christ, I want to believe you are the way, the truth, and the life. I want to know the truth so the truth will set me free. I want to believe it. I want to do it. I want to stand for it. I want to spread the truth. I’m in. I’m putting my trust in you. In your name I pray. Amen.”

God Gives Me True Freedom

In review of John 8:36 it says, “If the Son sets you free, then you will be really free.”

Bottom Line:

If the Son sets you free, then you will really be free.

What this means to me:

When I accepted the Son, he set me free, truly free. However, this world defines freedom as a life without any restraints; its a, “I can do anything I want to do and say anything I want to say without anybody telling me what to do.” With this philosophy I may burn everybody else, but I’d get to do it my own way. And the world supports having your freedom, but only by being totally selfish.

Yet, God’s word tells me that the only way to true freedom is through his Son, Jesus: “If the Son sets you free, then you will be really free” (John 8:36 TEV).

Real freedom is a freedom from fear, guilt, worry, bitterness, and death. In addition, I’m free to quit pretending because I’m free to be myself.

However, fears mentioned above still come into my thoughts. I’m learning that I can get rid of those kinds of fears, by letting God love me! The apostle John teaches that “there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:18a NIV).

When I stop and realize how much God loves me, I’ll begin to live in true freedom. In fact, I can really worship God when I recognize that “God is love.” It is an act of worship to agree that he is a loving, caring, generous God and that we can “rely on the love God has for us” (1 John 4:16).  

Freedom in Christ allows me to just be me. I no longer need to pretend or to try and mimic some other worldly lifestyle. Freedom allows me to love others, and to have confidence that God has a good plan in mind for me and my life.

Learning To Be A Good Friend

In review of Proverbs 17:17 it says, A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Bottom Line:

Friends are always loyal and show their love at all times. Like close family, you're there to share in times of trouble or need.

What this means to me:

If I am to be a good friend, then I need to be loyal and show love whenever possible. Like family, I am to share and serve others in times of trouble or need.

Overall, good relationships will take time. They will not happen by accident. They take cultivation, work, and time in order to build a deep connection with somebody. And this requires my commitment.

Proverbs tells me, “A friend loves at all times.” That means even when it’s inconvenient, when I don’t personally feel like it, even when they may not deserve it, even at any personal cost to myself. That’s what real friendship is all about.

True friends are the ones in your corner when you’re cornered. And they see you through when everybody else thinks you’re through. They walk in when everybody else walks out.

What I’m learning is that I don’t need many friends to make it in this world but I do need a few good ones. I should focus on quality not quantity. I can have many acquaintances but that means nothing. The acquaintances are not going to be there in the crisis. They’re not going to be there when I need them. Friends will. Every important close connection begins with a commitment.

At every stage of my life I’m going to need these kinds of relationships. I’m going to need a group of people for different reasons in different ways. I need to get connected. I need people in my life. In summary, I need to give and I need to receive.

Larry Crabb in his book “Connecting” mentions, “When two people really connect, something is poured out of one and into the other that has the power to heal the soul of its deepest wounds and restore it to health. The one who receives, experiences the joy of being healed. And the one who gives, knows even greater joy of being used to heal.” I know I have experienced this, especially as it relates to giving. It’s always good to hear that what I’ve done or shared with someone is helpful to them.

So no matter what’s going on in my life, I need to make myself available to my friends when they need it. If I’m short on time or have commitments, I can always ask God to help me accomplish and complete the other things I have going on in life that I need to temporarily set aside.

Learning To Love People From the Heart

In review of Philippians 1:7a it says, “It is right for me to feel this way about all of you since I have you in my heart.”

Bottom Line:

It is right that I should feel as I do about all of you. For you have a special place in my heart, for we have all shared together the blessings of God.

What this means to me:

I should have a special place in my heart for those who share the blessings of God with me. Because of our inheritance from God, I should love them from the heart. I need to be careful to not react from my mind but rather from my heart. When someone close to me, tells me something, it is usually from their heart and I need to listen. True heart love begins with understanding why someone feels the way they do. I should ask questions and then listen. Hear the hurt, look for the problems. I need to understand the moods of the people closest to me, why they act the way they do. If I care, I’ll be aware.

So the question is, how can I love people who, even when I do understand them, I find them unlovable?  Philippian 1:8 says, “God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.” (NIV) In the Greek language, the word “affection” is the word for intestines. In Greek society, the Greeks thought that the seat of the emotions was in your stomach, your liver, your internal organs.

So Paul was saying, “I’ve got a gut feeling of love for you.” That is not a natural kind of love.  It is a supernatural kind of love and that’s why Paul said it’s not from himself, but it’s the affection of Christ Jesus. Human love wears out and dries up and dies on the vine. The only kind of love that lasts in spite of heartache and difficulty in tough circumstances is God’s love;  the affection of Jesus Christ.

How can I get this kind of gut love? Romans 5.5 says, “God has poured out his love into our hearts by means of the Holy Spirit, who is God's gift to us.” (NIV)  God’s love is not something you work up. Rather it is something that is poured into me by the Holy Spirit as I let Him live in me day-by-day.

So to love the unlovable is to look at them through the eyes of God and ask his Spirit to fill me. It is most important for me to learn to listen better to hear the hurt, to understand the problem. My natural tendency is to start to formulate what to say, thinking I know what they need without fully listening. I can do better at this by stopping, listening, and then pausing first to reflect, ask questions, then respond.

Learning To Fix The Problem, Not The Blame

In review of Colossians 3:8 it says “You must also rid yourself of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”

Bottom Line:

You must get rid of anger, rage, malice, slander, cursing and filthy language. Furthermore, let no insults or obscene talk come from your lips.

What this means to me:

I must get rid of any anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, cursing or filthy language from my life. I should not let any insults or obscene talk come from my mouth.

I only have a certain amount of emotional energy, so when I’m in a conversation and trying to resolve conflict, I can use that energy to fix the blame or I could use that same energy to fix the problem. I won’t have energy to do both. They key is to ask myself what’s more important; to blame the person or to resolve the conflict. The overall goal should be to fix the problem.

As Rick Warren explains, “during the Cold War, when the Soviet Union and the U.S. were at each other’s throats, the U.S. had thousands of intercontinental missiles aimed at the Soviet Union. The Soviet Union had thousands of intercontinental missiles aimed at us, too. Even when we were at the worst point in the Cold War and there was enormous tension, both sides still had enough sanity to say, some weapons we just aren’t going to use because they’re “MAD” — mutually assured destruction. If you use yours, we’re going to use ours, and we’re going to destroy each other, and there won’t be anything. So even when we were on opposite sides of an issue, we could at least agree not to use those weapons.”

Likewise, we need to agree that no matter how upset we may be with each other, certain words are out of bounds, because they will destroy the relationship by tearing down trust.

The Bible is very specific about what’s out of bounds. Colossians 3:8 says, “You must also rid yourself of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips” (NIV). These are like weapons of mass destruction.

The reason for the need to focus on fixing the problem, is because blaming is a only a form of judging, and only God has the right to judge. I’m not the judge. I can’t figure out anybody else’s motivation. I don’t even know my own motivation most of the time! Only God knows. So, I’ll let him be the judge.

So for me, using anger or rage in any response would not be appropriate. Likewise, exercising malicious behavior or speaking slanderous words are off-limits.  Any most of all, I need to prevent myself from speaking any insults or having obscene talk come from my mouth.

By setting boundaries in a relationship, I’ll be able to focus on solving a problem instead of just finding the blame.