Four Steps Towards Forgiveness

In Ephesians 4:31-32 I read, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (NIV)

Like most, I have some misconceptions about what it means to forgive. And, because I don’t understand forgiveness, I may even find it really difficult to forgive.

As a follower of Jesus, I need to understand forgiveness. The Bible clearly calls Christians to forgive. Galatians 6:1 says, “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently” (NIV).

So, if God expects me to forgive others, what does healthy, biblical forgiveness look like? Here are four things I should do when I need to forgive someone.

1. Recognize no one is perfect. If I hate somebody, I tend to lose my perspective about that person. Resentment, bitterness, and hurt make me stop seeing that person as a fellow human being. I treat them like an animal. But the truth is everyone is in the same boat. The Bible says, “Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins” (Ecclesiastes 7:20 NLT). We’re all imperfect.

2. Relinquish my right to get even. This is the heart of forgiveness. The Bible says, “Never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for he has said that he will repay those who deserve it” (Romans 12:19 TLB). Even if I think I deserve to retaliate, don’t. If the hurt runs deep, I may have to commit over and over again to not getting even. But, no matter what, leave the repayment to God.

3. Respond to evil with good. Humanly speaking, it’s nearly impossible to respond to evil with good. I’ll need God’s help. I’ll need the love of Jesus to fill me up. Why? “[Love] keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV). When I can respond to evil with good, I’ll know I’ve fully released someone from the wrong they’ve done to me.

4. Refocus on God’s plan for my life. As long as I continue to focus on the person who has hurt me, that person controls me. In fact, it often goes a step further: If I don’t release my offender, I will begin to resemble my offender. So stop focusing on the hurt and the person who hurt me. Instead, refocus on God’s purpose for my life, his purpose is greater than any problem or pain I might be facing.

Don’t sit another day in my resentment. If I’ve been holding on to pain caused by someone else, go through these four steps and move on to the life I was created to live!

In summary, get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Learn to be kind and compassionate to others, forgiving them, just as in Christ God forgave me. I often overlook what it means to forgive. I even find it really difficult to do. As a follower of Jesus, I need to understand forgiveness. The Bible clearly calls me to forgive. If God expects me to forgive others, what does biblical forgiveness look like? Here are four things I should do when I need to forgive someone. 1. Recognize no one is perfect. If I hate, I tend to lose my perspective about that person and stop seeing them as a fellow human being. I treat them poorly. 2. Relinquish my right to get even. This is the heart of forgiveness. Even if I think I deserve to retaliate, don’t. No matter what, leave the repayment to God. 3. Respond to evil with good. To do so, I’ll need God’s help. When I can do this, I’ll know I’ve fully released someone from the wrong they’ve done to me. 4. Refocus on God’s plan for my life. As long as I continue to focus on the person who has hurt me, that person controls me. Stop focusing on the hurt and the person who hurt me. Instead, refocus on God’s purpose for my life, his purpose is greater than any problem or pain I might be facing. Don’t sit another day in my resentment. I need to go through these four steps and move on to the life I was created to live!

God forgives me, not because I forgive others, but solely because of his great mercy. As I come to understand his mercy, I long to be more like him. Having received forgiveness, I too, need to pass it on to others. If I'm not willing to forgive then I won't be like him who was willing to forgive those who crucified him. 

Father, thank you for this reminder today. I ask that with the help of the Holy Spirit in my life that I can put into practice these ways of forgiving. Lord, I need you. Please give me Your strength for today. I ask you also for wisdom and guidance for my day, my work, my leadership, my interactions with others, my training for a future job role and learning a small group. I ask these things through you Son Jesus’ name, amen.