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Thursday, August 21, 2014

A Wise Person Will Consider Other’s Feelings

In review of James 3:17 it says, “The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”

Bottom Line:
The wisdom we get from God leads us to be more understanding of others. It helps lead us to show compassion and mercy. It then allows us to produce good deeds. It keeps us from favoritism and guides us in being sincere and free from prejudice and hypocrisy.

What this means to me:
The wisdom I get from God will lead me to be more pure, peace-loving, gentle, open to reason and have a willingness to yield when required.  It shows me how to have compassion, mercy and produce good things. It helps me to eliminate favoritism, allowing me to be sincere and free from prejudice and hypocrisy. 

What I’m learning is that two of the biggest mistakes I can make in relationships are when I react to what people say and not how they feel; or when I invalidate their else’s feelings because I don’t necessarily feel the same way. To combat both of these, I simply need to be considerate.

Mistake #1: I react without trying to understand. I pay too much attention to someone’s words and not enough attention to the emotions behind the words. People say stuff when they’re angry that they don’t even mean. They use words they don’t even intend to use. They exaggerate things. I need to look behind the words at the emotion because people don’t always say what they mean, but they always feel what they feel.

To be wise in a relationship, I need to stop focusing on what someone says that ticks me off, and instead become considerate. I need to become mindful of the feelings of others. It’s the unkind people who need my kindness the most. When people are rude and unkind, they are screaming to the world, “I’m in pain!” Hurt people always hurt people.

Mistake #2: I can easily invalidate any feelings that I don’t personally feel. This is believing something is dumb or irrational or illogical because it’s not what I feel, so I dismiss it. Can a one person be cold and another be warm at the same time? So why try and argue a person out of what they feel?

When I invalidate someone else’s feelings because I don’t feel it, I end up minimize the other person. Instead of dismissing it, perhaps I should ask, “Why would you feel that? What would make you say that?” I need to look beyond the words and get to the real issue. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They’re just there.

The Bible says, “The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere” (James 3:17 NIV).

When I adopt Heaven’s wisdom, I have the ability to stop minimizing other feelings. A wise person is considerate of others feelings.

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