Learning to Love Difficult People

In review of Romans 12:18 it says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone”

Bottom Line:

Strive for living in peace with everyone.

What this means to me:

I am to do everything possible on my part to live in peace with everyone.

Today's verse comes from Romans 12, where Paul urges me to give my live and be living sacrifice to God. I do so because of all God has done for me. I am to let my life be holy, one that he will find acceptable. This is the way that I can truly worship him. I am to avoid copying the behavior and customs of this world, and instead let God transform the way I think and act. I should never think of myself more highly than I should, rather learn to be honest in evaluation of myself, measuring myself by the faith that God has given me. I am part of the body with special gifts his has given in which I am to use to serve others. I am to not just pretend to love but really love and show honor to others. I should hate what is wrong and hold firmly to what is good. I should not become lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. I should rejoice in my confident hope always. I am to be patient in times of trouble, and to keep on praying in all things. I should be ready to help, especially when God's people are in need.  So given this, rather than trying to get even with those who wrong or oppose me, I am to bless to them. And I sam to share both good and bad times with others. I should never think of myself to highly or proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. I am to do all that we can to live in peace with everyone.

This morning I’m considering how I can develop skill in loving difficult people. Here are four things I’ve come across that Jesus modeled when he encountered difficult people:

First, realize I can’t please everyone. Even God couldn't do that! Refuse to play games (Matthew 22:18).

Secondly, learn to say no to unrealistic expectations. Confront them by “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15a NIV).

Third, never retaliate (Matthew 5:38-39). It only lowers me to their level.

Lastly to pray for them (Matthew 5:44). It will help both of us. Let God speak to them.

If I can learn to use and practice these methods, It will go a long ways toward loving the difficult people and displaying the character of Christ.

Learning To Choose Forgiveness, Not Gossip

In review of Proverbs 17:9 it says, “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends”

Bottom Line:

Love prospers when a wrongdoing is forgiven, to dwell on it will separate close friends

What this means to me:

Love will prosper and I will keep my friends if I forgive them, however I will lose them if I keep dwelling on and talking about the wrong they did.

I have to admit that it's really hard not to tell someone else what someone else just did to me that I thought was offensive. I think it’s because deep down, I want affirmation from somebody else. It’s a very difficult thing to let go. While it may feel good to offload and spread the word about the incident, it’s also unloving.

In God’s Word, I am told to forgive everyone, even my enemies. Today’s verse in Proverbs 17:9 reminds me, “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends” (NLT).

This offloading is a form of gossip. Gossip is sharing information with somebody who is not part of the problem or the solution. That person might not have had anything to do with the situation, but I bring them into it so I can feel better about myself. Gossip, in its essence, is a form of retaliation. I’m getting back at someone without talking to them. Instead, I’m talking about them behind their back. Gossip is incredibly destructive and separates the closest of friends.

The worst thing about gossip is that the one who made me crazy wins! All of a sudden, that person is controlling my conversation and emotions. My day is about gossiping instead of talking about some better.

The Bible says in 1 Peter 3:9, “Do not do wrong to repay a wrong, and do not insult to repay an insult. But repay with a blessing, because you yourselves were called to do this so that you might receive a blessing” (NCV).

I can gossip and miss out on God’s blessing. Or, I can choose to have positive conversations and use words that lift others up. When I strive to build others up, God will bestow his blessings on me.

Learning How To Give Grace to Those Who Irritate Me

In review of Proverbs 19:11 it says, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense”

Bottom Line:

A wise person yields patience and overlooks offenses.

What this means to me:

It’s sensible for me to learn to control my temper, to be patient and to forgive / overlook others offenses against me.

Today’s verse comes from the book of Proverbs, which are quips or short bursts of wisdom. They can be strung together like a necklace of fine pearls. In this particular verse, it states how sensible it is for me to learn to control my temper, be patient and forgive others.

I’m learning that as I deal with people who are offensive or irritating, I need to look past the immediate behavior and imagine to the pain that may be behind it. Everything we do is always motivated by something. When people hurt others, it’s probably because they’re hurting on the inside. A hurt person will hurt others.

I believe that the more I can understand others backgrounds, the more grace I’ll be able to show them. It’s easier to cut someone some slack when you understand their background.

Today’s verse in Proverbs 19:11 say , “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (NIV). With wisdom, I won’t get offended because wisdom gives me patience. The more I understand somebody’s background, the more I’ll understand the stress that person may be under, making it easier to show grace. That in turn will give me patience to overlook the offense.

Scripture tells me in many ways that refusing to be offended by other people is actually an act of mature love. It shows me how much love I actually have in my heart. The more love I have, the harder it is to become offended.

The less love I have in my heart, the more insecure I’ll feel and the easier it will be to be offended. Proverbs 10:12 says, “Love overlooks the wrongs that others do” (CEV). The more I am filled with love, the less I’m going to be upset with others when they are demanding, demeaning or disapproving.

Therefore, the first step in dealing with difficult people is to make the choice and refuse being personally offended.

When I’m starting to feel offended, I ask the Holy Spirit to help remind to slow down, show patience and see what I can do to discover more about their background.

Taking Integrity Over Popularity

In review of Luke 9:26 it says, “Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels”

Bottom Line:

If you disassociate yourself with Christ in this life, He will disassociate himself with you when he returns.

What this means to me:

If I back away, disassociate, publicly reject or become ashamed of Christ, then He will do likewise toward me when he returns.

Today's passage comes from Luke chapter 9 where Jesus predicts and tells of his death to his disciples. So Jesus starts off by warning them to not to tell anyone who he was. Then he said, "For the Son of Man must suffer many terrible things. He will be rejected by the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He will be killed, but on the third day he will be raised from the dead." Then he told the crowd, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it (you can’t keep your own way and still follow him). But if you give up your life for my sake, you will actually save it for eternity. What would you benefit if you gain this whole world but in the end are lost or destroyed? Therefore, If anyone is ashamed of me and my message, the Son of Man will be ashamed of that person when he returns in his glory and in the glory of the Father”.

Ultimately there will come a day in which I will be called to give an account of my life before God. Knowing that this is coming should prompt me to consider my life and long-term thinking  on how I conduct it. This realization should change what I say, do and even who I try to impress.  It will be a people-pleaser antidote.

So in my interactions and in my thoughts, I need to consider if God would approve or disapprove of what I just said or did.  Am I more interested in what others think or what God thinks?

Rick Warren had explained how he gets interviewed on lot of tv shows. Within those broadcasts, he will be asked the toughest questions they can think of. They want to put him on the spot and, because he believes a certain thing, make him look like a bigot or a fool. They intentionally try to get him to back down off of what the Bible says.

He then explains that when he’s in those types of interviews, his human nature is to want to be liked, much like mine would be. His human nature wants to compromise, divert, punt, and leave out the truth. He then goes on to explain how he has actually heard other guys being asked those same questions and they reply with, “I just leave that up to God” or “Everybody has to make up their own mind.” Responses like those are simply cop-outs! While politically correct, those people are not standing for the truth.  Rick then said that in those moments, when he could say something that would be politically correct and wouldn’t offend, it would be a lie. He then recalls these truths, and does three things:

First, remember what Jesus Christ did for me on the cross. He didn’t deny me. He didn’t back down for me. He died for my sins. I owe him my life. He created me. He saved me. He forgave me. He’s taking me to Heaven. I’m not going to deny him.

Second, I remember that one day I’m going to give an account to God. And at that point God’s going to say, “What did you say in that interview? What did you say in that conversation at work? What did you say to your friend at school?” I remember that integrity is more important than popularity. And I’m not going to give up my integrity.

Finally, I tell the truth, and I let the chips fall.

I can learn from this and do the same as I walk in faith with Jesus. This morning I pray that “the Holy Spirit will come to me in these times and help me remember what Christ has done for me, that I will eventually give an account and that my integrity is much more important being popular.”

Learning How to Get Past Regrets

In review of Isaiah 43:18-19 it says, “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands”

Bottom Line:

Don’t dwell on the past. Something new is starting to take place. He is opening new paths and opportunities.

What this means to me:

I should not dwell on what has happened in the past. Instead I should be alert and present in the moment. God is doing something brand-new. He is paving the way for better things.

Dwelling on the past is much like playing the “if only” game...  

. If only I could do it over again.

. If only I had listened sooner.

. If only I could erase the past.

. If only I could forgive myself.

I have learned that this is a foolish question, mainly because there is no real answer. Furthermore pondering it will never change what had already taken place. I will always have regrets. I have made bad choices and said foolish things. I’ve wasted time and hurt myself and others. I need to keep in mind that I am not perfect.

What I am learning is that I need to release any regrets. Here are some strategies I had tended to fall back on that simply put, do not work:

Burying It - Burying the past will never help me get past any regrets. I can try to minimize (“It wasn’t a big deal”), rationalize (“Everyone does it”), and compromise (lower my standards), but the regrets are still there, and if unresolved, they’ll keep coming back to haunt me over and over again like a creature in a horror movie.

Blame - This tactic is as old as Adam and Eve. When Adam sinned, he took it like a man: He blamed his wife! I have used blame to balance out guilt.

Beating myself up - I try to pay for my guilt unconsciously through illness, depression, setting myself up for failure, and other forms of self-punishment. The problem with beating up on myself is this: My conscience never knows when to stop! I’d rather not spend my life in self-condemnation.

So instead, here’s what I can do:

Admit my guilt - Own up to it. Don’t make excuses. “A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance” (Proverbs 28:13 TLB).

Accept Christ’s forgiveness - He’s waiting to clean my slate. I can ask him to clear my conscience. Romans 8:1 says, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (NIV).

Forgive myself, and focus on the future - “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands” (Isaiah 43:18-19 MSG).

Today I will consider, if there is anything I’m holding onto where I need to admit my guilt (or part in it), accept forgiveness and refocus on the future.

Settling the Score

In review of 1 Peter 3:9 it says, “Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing”

Bottom Line:

Don’t be hateful and insult people just because they are hateful and insult you. Instead, treat everyone with kindness. You are God’s chosen ones, and he will bless you.

What this means to me:

I should not repay evil done to me with evil, nor should I replay an insult with an insult. Instead Paul tells me to pay them back with blessings for this is what God has called me to do. As I do, God will provide his blessings to me.

Today's verse comes from 1 Peter 3. Peter writes that all of us should be of one mind. We should sympathize with each other, and love, as brothers and sisters would. We are to be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. We should never repay evil for evil done to us. We should not retaliate with insults when we are insulted. Instead, Paul tells us to pay them back with a blessing for this is what God has called us to do. If we do, God will grant us his blessings.

I think that nothing crushes the spirit more than abuse; to feel devalued, unimportant, and misused. Jesus knows that. And he says, “I will care for you.”

What I’m learning is that the starting point in any healing is getting to know my Healer. I can start with, “Jesus, I don’t know how you did this, but you took the guilt for every sin in the world; the ones done to me and the ones done by me. I want to learn to love you. And I want you to come in and heal my heart and my mind and my body.”  And the good news is that he will.

When Jesus was abused, did he retaliate? Absolutely not! The Bible says, “Christ never verbally abused those who verbally abused him. When he suffered, he didn’t make any threats but left everything to the one who judges fairly” (1 Peter 2:23 GW).

I can count on the fact that one day God is going to balance the books and settle the score. One day God is going to right all the wrongs. At this point, the abusers will have to answer for their abuse. Based on my experience, I know that God is a truly just God. He can do a much better job at settling the score than I can. He wants me to leave it in his hands, because he’s God, and I’m not.

Today I will consider if I’m harboring anything against someone in my heart.  I will then turn to him with the goal of being tenderhearted and humble.

God’s Freedom

In review of John 8:36 it says, “If the Son sets you free, then you will be really free”

Bottom Line:

If the Son sets you free, you are truly free.

What this means to me:

Jesus, the Son of God has come and set me free. Because of this, I am truly free.

Our world defines freedom differently from God see it. The world defines freedom as a life without any restraint, it’s a “I can do anything I want to do and say anything I want to say without anybody telling me what to do.” While this may not benefit those around me, I would get to do it my own way. In this view, freedom means being totally selfish.

Yet, John reminds me that the only way to true freedom is through Jesus: “If the Son sets you free, then you will be really free” (John 8:36 GNT).  In this case, real freedom is a freedom from fear, guilt, worry, bitterness, and death. I’m free to quit pretending because I’m free to be myself. The fears disappear by letting God love me! John tells me that “there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:18a NIV).

It is only by realizing how much God loves me, is when I can begin to live in true freedom. I truly worship God when I recognize that “God is love.” It is an act of worship to agree that he is a loving, caring, generous God and that we can “rely on the love God has for us” (1 John 4:16a).

Since the Son has set me free, today I will examine where I have any existing guilt, worry, or bitterness in my life. What am I holding onto that I need to let go of?  Where am I not letting God love me?  What ways a I not relying on God’s love?